James Brown’s Body is Missing. Zombie Godfather of Soul Could Be on the Loose.
I don’t want to alarm people living in South Carolina, but, James Brown’s body has disappeared from the temporary crypt where his daughter was keeping it, and now it’s possible that zombie James Brown is lurking somewhere in your backyard waiting to eat your brains or perhaps entertain you with one of his soul classics. All right, I confess – zombies aren’t real. I made up the zombie James Brown thing because, frankly, him becoming one of the undead would be a more dignified fate than what has apparently actually happened to his corpse: according to his daughter Deanna, the body has been stolen and stashed away by people who don’t want an autopsy performed on it, because an autopsy would reveal that he didn’t actually die of a heart attack but was felled by drugs. Says Deanna, if the drug truth came out, the people who were supposed to be taking care of James at the time of his death would be outed as the same kind of creeps who did in Michael Jackson. This is why, when I die, I want to be floated out to sea on a raft and eaten by sharks. No postmortem drama, plus being eaten by sharks would be cool.
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