Jay Leno Returns to the Tonight Show. With Help from Drunk Jamie Foxx, Leggy Lindsey Vonn.
Monday was the night Jay Leno‘s many fans had been waiting for – the night of Jay’s triumphant return to the Tonight Show after a brief banishment to the hinterlands of prime time. It was clear from the first moment that Jay meant to make his reboot a memorable one: he opened the show with a Wizard of Oz skit – he’s Dorothy waking up from the “dream” of going to prime time blahblahblah – and delighted America by trotting out its favorite elderly potty-mouth for a cameo. No, not Dick Cheney. Betty White. You can always count on Jay Leno to feature the freshest young talent. And, as the Oz sketch proves, his references remain hip and cutting-edge.
It was then on to the monologue. As expected, Jay made no mention of Conan O’Brien whatsoever, Conan’s name having been forever banned from NBC along with quality dramatic writing and decent sports presentation. He did joke about his Super Bowl spot with David Letterman and Oprah – and of course he made some George Bush jokes, because those never get old. He also demonstrated how edgy he can be by showing a clip of a large-butted woman in tight yellow pants gassing up her car. This is why, when you came back from the bathroom, you found your grandfather kneeling in front of the TV muttering something about unripe tomatoes.
The material may have been as lame as ever, but Jay seemed energetic, and the crowd seemed into it. That was when the miracle happened: a funny bit. In a nod to his own popular Jaywalking routine, Jay went out amongst the rabble, knocking on doors all over Burbank and asking strangers to let him look at their desks. Because he was back on the Tonight Show and he needed help picking out a new desk – you see? Trust me, it was funny. It’s always funny when celebrities knock on random normal people’s doors and surprise and delight them. And it’s even funnier when random normal people’s dogs almost bite celebrities on the face.
The bit ended with Jay unveiling his new desk – which, for some reason, includes a wind turbine. A subliminal green energy message? I have no idea. All I know is that, if I somehow suddenly woke up on the Tonight Show set, I would think I was in the living room from a Real World house, and would expect some dreadlocked hipster with a pierced septum to come walking through naked. I would be shocked to see Jay Leno. Almost as shocked as he would be to see me.
But now, on to the guests. First up: Jamie Foxx. It quickly became clear why Jamie was chosen to be Jay’s first guest out: if you give Jamie a cup of booze and a mic, he will cheerlead for you until he drops. Jamie brought the entire repertoire of skills: he sang, he danced, he fired up the crowd with chants, he simulated actions from Olympic events, he spazzed out and spilled his cup all over Jay’s new carpet. In between all that, he sat and talked about Kirstie Alley. My God, is that man ever multi-talented! Does he also do penis puppets?
Jamie’s appearance damn near wore me out – but the night wasn’t over yet, because Jay still had to talk to Lindsey Vonn, Olympic hero and smokin’ hot babe. Lindsey didn’t really have a lot to say – she skis for a living; how many words could she really know? – but she did show a lot of leg, and did manage not to barf when Jay asked a really inappropriate question about her husband coaching her in bed. And she talked about using cheese to help with shin bruises.
When Lindsey was done babbling and blinding everyone with her shiny white gams, Brad Paisley came out to sing about Saturday night in America, or something, and play his guitar in front of a big American flag. Because last night was all about America! The dominance of the American Olympians. The talent of America’s singer-rapper-actor-cheerleaders. And, above all, the relief of having that great American institution, the Tonight Show, back in the hands of a mature, responsible backstabber.
Welcome home, suck-ass.
Filed Under: Features
Hello, i feel that i noticed you visited my site so i came to ?return the favor?.I’m trying to find issues to improve my site!I suppose its adequate to use a few of your ideas!!
naturally like your website but you need to test the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to inform the truth however I will certainly come back again.
It is in point of fact a great and helpful piece of info. I’m happy that you shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.
Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to provide something again and help others such as you helped me.
you’re truly a excellent webmaster. The website loading velocity is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you have done a wonderful activity on this topic!
Thank you for every other magnificent post. The place else may anybody get that type of info in such a perfect method of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m on the search for such information.
I?ll right away take hold of your rss as I can not find your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Please allow me realize so that I may subscribe. Thanks.
I relish, result in I discovered exactly what I was having a look for. You have ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
Thanks for some other informative blog. The place else may I am getting that type of information written in such an ideal manner? I have a project that I am just now operating on, and I have been at the glance out for such info.
Heya i am for the primary time here. I came across this board and I in finding It truly helpful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to offer one thing again and help others like you helped me.
I’ve been exploring for a little bit for any high quality articles or weblog posts in this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this web site. Studying this information So i’m satisfied to convey that I have an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed. I such a lot definitely will make sure to don?t omit this website and give it a glance on a continuing basis.
I used to be suggested this website by way of my cousin. I am no longer certain whether this submit is written by him as nobody else know such precise approximately my trouble. You are amazing! Thanks!
That is really attention-grabbing, You’re an overly professional blogger. I have joined your rss feed and stay up for seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks
Its such as you learn my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much about this, like you wrote the e book in it or something. I think that you just could do with a few percent to power the message house a bit, however instead of that, that is excellent blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.
Hey There. I discovered your weblog the use of msn. That is an extremely smartly written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra of your useful information. Thank you for the post. I will certainly comeback.