Bulgarian Man Wants to Become Lady Gaga, Will Have Sex Change
There’s a man in Bulgaria who wants to become Lady Gaga‘s double. And the fact that he currently has a penis is no obstacle whatsoever.
But this man, Penio Daskalov, is willing to go much farther than simply having his weenie split and stuffed. He will also have plastic surgery to make his face look just like Gaga’s. Perhaps he will even try hiring the same plastic surgeons who made Gaga look like Gaga.
And what, exactly, is Mr. (soon to be Ms.) Daskalov’s end-game here? Why he wants a music career, of course. And he thinks turning himself into a freakish carbon copy of an already-popular star is the way to get one.
Not music lessons. Or gigging his ass off until he develops his chops. Just weenie-wack, little work on the face, terrible wardrobe stolen from Grace Jones, and voila…Penio Daskalov is famous.
So optimistic is Daskalov about his plan that he’s already contacted Lady Gaga’s people about setting up a duet. And Lady Gaga’s people? Haven’t answered.
Look Penio, far be it from me to dash a man’s hopes, but I can tell you already…your plan won’t work. I know, because I tried something similar once. Back when LL Cool J was huge, I had myself transformed into a buff black man who talked in rhymes for a living. And you know what it got me? Beaten up by real black people.
Turns out, folks don’t appreciate rip-off artists, even those whose level of commitment goes beyond ferocious and into the borderline psychotic. Just the fact that you’re willing to let some doctors lop your manhood off and rearrange your face will not, by itself, win you any admirers. Nor, alas, will doing tons of crunches, spray-painting yourself dark brown and learning to talk about sex over a beat.
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