James Jay Lee Wants Kate Gosselin to Stop Having Kids, Will Blow Something Up if Not Appeased

James Jay Lee is a man on a mission:  to stop networks like Discovery and TLC from celebrating people like Kate Gosselin, who contribute to catastrophic over-population by having litters of kids that wind up sucking down the earth’s already-dwindling resources like cute, sassy parasites.

Sadly for Mr. Lee, the almost certain wisdom of his anti-Gosselin position will forever be obscured by the fact that he is a Unabomber-level nutjob who today walked into Discovery Channel headquarters in Maryland armed with a gun and some pipe bombs and held several people hostage for hours.

The hostage stand-off ended the way most such episodes do:  with the hostages safe and the hostage taker shot by cops.  But though the dramatic, made-for-cable-news part of the story may be over, the making fun of James Jay Lee for his weird-ass ideas part has only just begun.

Thankfully, James Jay Lee was kind enough to put together a manifesto, that we might become better acquainted with his off-beat, eminently mockable worldview.  The thumbnail version:

Earth is dying because there are too many people.  America and especially the Discovery Channel make the problem worse by encouraging folks to have giant broods that must be fed by chopping down forests to create more farmland, a devastating blow to raccoons and their forest-dwelling friends the badgers.  Also, America’s economy is a giant Ponzi scheme, and immigration is bad because it leads to unwanted pollution babies.  Something something filthy filthy ALLCAPS WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS BECAUSE I’M REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS PART!!!!  Oh, and war is bad too, not because people die, but because it hurts the environment.

In Lee’s list of demands, he calls upon Discovery to stop airing shows that glorify baby-making, evil modern weapons and tattoo guys who build motorcycles, and instead create programming that encourages adherence to the views of people like novelist Daniel Quinn and 19th Century philosopher Thomas Robert Malthus.  Possibly a game show.  Because who doesn’t like game shows about crackpot reinterpretations of Genesis and hoary old theories that promote Nazi-like human breeding programs?

I can already see the list of new Discovery/TLC shows coming together around Mr. Lee’s ideas: Kate Minus 8. Non-Survivor Man. Man vs. Natural Disaster That We Shouldn’t View as a Bad Thing But a Necessary Means of Curbing Catastrophic Population Growth. Womb-busters. 19 Kids and Subtracting. Sperm-Killing-Cake Boss. Oh the possibilities.

Filed Under: Features

Tags: Features, james jay lee, kate gosselin