Paris Hilton Hid Drugs in Her Vagina
It’s a problem every drug-loving jet-setter must face: How to take their substances with them when they fly, and not get caught by those pests at airport security. Leave it to Paris Hilton to devise a novel and quite disgusting solution to this vexing dilemma.
The Paris Approach, as we shall call this particular smuggling method, was revealed in papers filed as part of an ongoing court battle between Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and his former cameraman Ryan Simkin, who has written a less-than-flattering tell-all about Mr. Francis (as if the world didn’t already know he is a colossal dirtbag). The story, included in the planned tell-all, begins with Francis asking Simkin to deliver a drug CARE package – a cigarette pack filled with coke and ecstasy – to Paris in advance of a trip to Europe. Then it gets gross:
I asked [Paris] if she was flying private [Simkin writes], and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.
A whole array of future career opportunities has opened up for Paris as a result of this story. If I were a smuggler of art objects, I would hire her in a second. The Maltese Falcon? That’ll fit right in there. Endangered animals? You think Paris could jam a full-grown Komodo dragon in her lady-hole? I do. And think how handy it would’ve been having Paris on the Millennium Falcon. Han wouldn’t have had to dump the contraband he was carrying for Jabba the Hutt, he could’ve just shoved it in Paris’ vaginal cavity. Everyone knows, Stormtroopers won’t go near vaginas. They’re all gay as Easter bonnets.
Filed Under: Features
[...] Lightly Buzzed It’s a problem every drug-loving jet-setter must face: How to take their substances with them when they fly, and not get caught by those pests at airport security. Leave it to Paris Hilton to devise a novel and quite disgusting solution to this vexing dilemma. The Paris Approach, as we shall call this particular smuggling method, was revealed in papers filed as part of an ongoing court battle between Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and his former cameraman Ryan Simkin, who has written a less-than-flattering tell-all about Mr. Francis (as if the world didn’t already know he is a colossal dirtbag). The story, included in the planned tell-all, begins with Francis asking Simkin to deliver a drug CARE package – a cigarette pack filled with coke and ecstasy – to Paris in advance of a trip to Europe. Then it gets gross: I asked [Paris] if she was flying private [Simkin writes], and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic. [...]
[...] to any kind of cavity search, but the Japanese might want to consider that, since we all know Paris likes hiding drugs in special places on her [...]