Taylor Momsen Burns Dog Testicles for Fun
Courtney Love is too old and medicated to any longer fulfill her role as Queen of Off-the-Hook Rock Chicks, but that’s okay, because we now have Taylor Momsen.
Taylor has a lot going for her in her quest to claim Courtney’s crazy-throne: She’s young. She’s always in a foul mood. She’s cute if you like goth chicks who dress like transsexuals. She’s willing to say incredibly stupid stuff in interviews. And, according to her bandmate, she is a pyromaniac.
“Taylor loves setting things on fire,” said Ben Phillips, the guitarist for Taylor’s band Pretty Reckless. Then Ben told a story that you probably shouldn’t read if you’re eating:
In the studio, there was this pit where the owner would burn stuff. We’d burn old keyboards, computers, stuff them full of TNT and set them on fire. Taylor loves fire.
I shouldn’t say this. One morning, Taylor got into the studio really early – she’d just had her dog neutered and brought in the bits. Which she then burned. We were grossed out.
This is a great start for Taylor on her road to making everyone forget about Wendy O. Williams. But, she’s still got a long way to go. My advice to her? More power tools in her stage act. Also, she might want to think about getting really wasted and going on a talk show. Would she consider climbing onto David Letterman‘s desk and dropping a big steaming shit in his lap? That would really shock middle America. Then, she could hijack her own tour bus and crash it into a telephone pole. Extra points for losing a hand and replacing it with a steel claw. It goes without saying that, at some point, she will have to date a disgusting wash-out Pete Doherty type who then dies under mysterious circumstances, making everyone think she did it.
After that, the sky’s the limit. Assuming she doesn’t get poisoned by her eye make-up and die.
Filed Under: Features
