NFL Week 4 Recap, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan


Let’s just get this out of the way: yes I am a Jags fan, NO I don’t want to talk about it.

Patriots vs. Falcons

The Patriots beat the Atlanta Falcons last night.  Feels bad doesn’t it Falcons? Makes you wonder if you’ve been wasting your time huh? At least Julio doesn’t get DUIs and end up suspended.

During the Patriots game Cris Collinsworth had this to say:

“All Bill Belichick does is brings him in here and there hasn’t been one ounce of a problem…. ya know.. there’s something about when they come in and play for the Patriots, whatever their issues have been before, they disappear.”

Hey Cris, yeah about that.  There’s this guy named Aaron Hernandez, the game Grand Theft Auto was loosely based on his life story.

Broncos vs. Eagles

Oh Peyton Manning is so good, yeah well, he’s no David Garrard I’ll tell you that much.  Peyton may complete all his passes and make any team he is on look like the greatest team ever, but I hate his commercials.  That’s a lie, I love his commercials; he is so damn charming.  I just want a hug Peyton, is that too much to ask?

Remember in week one when the Eagles fans were all HECK YEAH CHIP KELLY! Chip Kelly is the best, he is going to win us a Super Bowl!  Now in week 4 they are all…

Michael-Scott-Angry-Office

Giants and Chiefs

Andy Reid continues to win, which coincidentally adds to the anger of the Eagles fans.  It adds to my anger too.  How dare a coach come in and turn a team around immediately?  As a Jags fan I’ve been told by my team’s management that it takes 12-37 rebuilding years before you should expect success.  I officially hate Andy Reid almost as much as the Giants hate being in the endzone.

The Giants are bad, real bad.  Can crotchety old Ebenezer Coughlin turn this thing around and discover the real meaning of Christmas?  My guess is no, all you urchins should die in the cold.

Jets and Titans

Geno Smith continues to replace Matt Sanchez in every way possible.  He has even taken the butt fumble to a new level, by fumbling on his own butt.

geno

If Geno could teach this to Blaine Gabbert that would be great.  At least then Blaine would do something interesting, other than his world famous log impression.  Drafting a QB from Mizzou, what were you people thinking?

Oh, and I hate you Titans.

Vikings and Steelers

The Vikings and Steelers were so bad they were banished to Europe to slap fight this thing out.   Well it looks like Samantha Ponder’s husband (who didn’t play) wins this round with Big Ben.   I assume Big Ben (the QB) went to Big Ben (the clock) and took a hilarious picture to make his new Facebook profile pic.  So don’t worry Steelers fans, the trip wasn’t a total loss.

Oh, Steelers you’re 0-4? Big deal, at least you won in the past.  The closest I’ve ever gotten to success was watching my team end Dan Marino and Jimmy Johnson’s careers.

Jaguars and Colts

I HATE FOOTBALL. I HATE YOU. I HATE FREEDOM. I HATE PUPPIES. I HATE RAINBOWS. I HATE GENE SMITH MOST OF ALL. AND I HATE THE COLTS.  HAPPY NOW?

image

Buzzy says “I think the Jets need to give Rex Ryan another year.”

 

Tags: Atlanta Falcons Denver Broncos Features Indianapolis Colts Jacksonville Jaguars Kansas City Chiefs Minnesota Vikings New England Patriots New York Giants New York Jets Philadelphia Eagles Pittsburgh Steelers Popular Tennessee Titans

  • PunjabiPete

    OMFG I loved this post. Pure awesome. I also can say I know where you’re coming from. Carl Peterson (I’m a diehard Chiefs fan) kept promising “Next year is the year – I promise!” and we had the easy 5-10 year rebuilding saga… it may not be over, I’m trying to take our 4-0 record with a grain of salt, but it’s nice to read a genuinely entertaining story once in a while.

    • Bandit Ref

      Thanks man!

  • d-block

    Great read. I know how it feels, being a Chiefs fan.

    • Bandit Ref

      I am also a Mets fan, so you know, I like to suffer.

      • Talicore

        Try being a Royals and Chiefs fan the last three years. Right there with you.

  • unclealfie

    Hey Banditref, were you a hateful, negative little twerp before you started writing this column or does the attitude come with the job? It’s a bit comical, really; a fan of the worst team in the league getting all snarky about all the other, better, teams.
    You’re way off base about the Patriots, however. They’ve gotten excellent play out of former NFL troubled personalities that no one else could work with (e.g. Corey Dillon, Randy Moss and Wes Welker). You might want to wait for a conviction before committing libel against guys like Aaron Hernandez, who have yet to be convicted of anything.

    • Bandit Ref

      I am sure Hernandez is a pure as the newly driven snow.

    • ……ChiefsFan……

      Wes Welker was a troubled personality nobody could work with? Where are you getting that from? And as far as Hernandez goes, have you read the article in Rolling Stones mag? The guy is a wannabe mobster. I get “innocent until proven guilty”, but, c’mon man this guy is dirty.

    • PunjabiPete

      Lighten up, man. It was an entertaining piece. Get over yourself.

  • Bks1632

    Actually pretty clever….

  • Dub Woody

    Outstanding article had me laughing my ass off. Being a Royals and Chiefs fan I can completely relate and I live in Indy so I have a constant migraine from listening to all the Colts talk. Keep you chin up and hopefully Khan will turn things around for you and for my beloved Fulham.

  • Blake Molina

    Hilarious read. If you can’t laugh at yourself. One day, the Jags will rise like the Phoenix (or my Chiefs) and you’ll get to rub everyone’s nose in it!

  • Irebigjohn

    Well, looks like you guys will get #1 in the draft this year. Hopefully you will go QB and pick up bridgewater or manziel. Then you will have something to cheer for when you start winning games. GO CHIEFS!!

    • d-block

      Yeah I remember watching Gabbert an MU and wondered how in the hell he got drafted that high.

  • TheDarkSide

    It’s TRUE. Peyton Manning is a cool character in his commercial(s) .
    Was it the Buick LeSabre, or something like that?
    Where he talks to the computer and tells it to navigate; “hut hut!”,
    then gives the camera the All-knowing smirk. :)

    He’s real comfortable in front of the camera.
    Not like Kaepernick and that other guy, in the McDonald’s commercial;
    “Hey, what are you eating?” other guy “some chicken nuggets” ( or something stupid like that) Kaepernick: I’ll play you for them…

    Their acting is pure crap..

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