NFL Week 4 Recap, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan

Let’s just get this out of the way: yes I am a Jags fan, NO I don’t want to talk about it.

Patriots vs. Falcons

The Patriots beat the Atlanta Falcons last night.  Feels bad doesn’t it Falcons? Makes you wonder if you’ve been wasting your time huh? At least Julio doesn’t get DUIs and end up suspended.

During the Patriots game Cris Collinsworth had this to say:

“All Bill Belichick does is brings him in here and there hasn’t been one ounce of a problem…. ya know.. there’s something about when they come in and play for the Patriots, whatever their issues have been before, they disappear.”

Hey Cris, yeah about that.  There’s this guy named Aaron Hernandez, the game Grand Theft Auto was loosely based on his life story.

Broncos vs. Eagles

Oh Peyton Manning is so good, yeah well, he’s no David Garrard I’ll tell you that much.  Peyton may complete all his passes and make any team he is on look like the greatest team ever, but I hate his commercials.  That’s a lie, I love his commercials; he is so damn charming.  I just want a hug Peyton, is that too much to ask?

Remember in week one when the Eagles fans were all HECK YEAH CHIP KELLY! Chip Kelly is the best, he is going to win us a Super Bowl!  Now in week 4 they are all…

Michael-Scott-Angry-Office

Giants and Chiefs

Andy Reid continues to win, which coincidentally adds to the anger of the Eagles fans.  It adds to my anger too.  How dare a coach come in and turn a team around immediately?  As a Jags fan I’ve been told by my team’s management that it takes 12-37 rebuilding years before you should expect success.  I officially hate Andy Reid almost as much as the Giants hate being in the endzone.

The Giants are bad, real bad.  Can crotchety old Ebenezer Coughlin turn this thing around and discover the real meaning of Christmas?  My guess is no, all you urchins should die in the cold.

Jets and Titans

Geno Smith continues to replace Matt Sanchez in every way possible.  He has even taken the butt fumble to a new level, by fumbling on his own butt.

geno

If Geno could teach this to Blaine Gabbert that would be great.  At least then Blaine would do something interesting, other than his world famous log impression.  Drafting a QB from Mizzou, what were you people thinking?

Oh, and I hate you Titans.

Vikings and Steelers

The Vikings and Steelers were so bad they were banished to Europe to slap fight this thing out.   Well it looks like Samantha Ponder’s husband (who didn’t play) wins this round with Big Ben.   I assume Big Ben (the QB) went to Big Ben (the clock) and took a hilarious picture to make his new Facebook profile pic.  So don’t worry Steelers fans, the trip wasn’t a total loss.

Oh, Steelers you’re 0-4? Big deal, at least you won in the past.  The closest I’ve ever gotten to success was watching my team end Dan Marino and Jimmy Johnson’s careers.

Jaguars and Colts

I HATE FOOTBALL. I HATE YOU. I HATE FREEDOM. I HATE PUPPIES. I HATE RAINBOWS. I HATE GENE SMITH MOST OF ALL. AND I HATE THE COLTS.  HAPPY NOW?

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Buzzy says “I think the Jets need to give Rex Ryan another year.”

 

Tags: Atlanta Falcons Denver Broncos Indianapolis Colts Jacksonville Jaguars Kansas City Chiefs Minnesota Vikings New England Patriots New York Giants New York Jets Philadelphia Eagles Pittsburgh Steelers Tennessee Titans

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