Lane Kiffin Leaves USC, A Modern Day Odyssey

Photo Oct 01, 11 08 15 AMThe Trojan war was over.  Lane Kiffin had called his last screen play on 3rd and 22.  Lane and his men of Troy had returned to LAX and were boarding their mighty Greyhound trireme for the trip back to campus. The men cried out for wisdom from their bevisored leader. ” Oh lord of the frosted tips and no defense, give us wisdom, sooth the wounds these Sun Devils hath delivered to our souls” they cried out.

Then a knock against the side of the trireme.  It was the mighty King AgaHaden here seeking conference with his greatest warrior, Lane Kiffin.   Lane told the trireme driver to “just chill out bra, I’ll be right back,” but it was not to be.  Little did our hero know, King AgaHaden had set a trap for him.  “Let’s step over here by your Mazda Miata and talk” said AgaHaden.  “Sup, bro-dog?” replied the valiant Kiffin.

“Listen Lane, this isn’t working out” started AgaHaden.  “Dude, I totally feel you.  When I leased this Miata I thought it would be a chick magnet, but it’s just lame-o bro” interjected Lane.  After a puzzled stare AgaHaden continued “not the car Lane, you being head coach at USC.”

“OH MY GOSH… It’s finally happened!” cried out Kiffin.  “It’s OK Lane, you’re a great guy.  This doesn’t have to be the end of your career” soothed AgaHaden.  “Where is he?  I want to know where he is.  Is he in this rental van?” said Lane as he hopped up and down trying to be tall enough to look in the van’s windows.  “Where is who Lane?” asked AgaHaden.  “Ashton, I always knew with me being such a hip and cool young coach that they would come after me.” answered Lane.  “This isn’t Punk’d Lane, I’m firing you.” sighed AgaHaden.

“Whoa… like for reals? Like for ever?” said Lane.  “Yes Lane, I’m sorry. It’s time for us to part ways.” replied AgaHaden. “That’s totally cold bro, especially after I let you borrow my collection of Vin Diesel DVDs!” shouted Lane.  “I never asked to borrow those, you made me watch them” said AgaHaden.  “Lane, you’re a nice guy… no, I’m lying you’re kind of a douchecanoe.  It’s over Lane.” “I won’t stand for this, you broke the bro-code” replied Kiffin.  “The bro-code isn’t real, grow up Lane.” said AgaHaden as he disappeared into the darkness.

“How will I get home? What will become of me? What crazy adventures lie between this airport parking lot and Princess Layla?”  pondered Kiffin.



Buzzy says “Now this is the kind of scrappy hero I can get behind… the enemies of.”



Tags: Lane Kiffin Pat Haden USC Trojans

comments powered by Disqus