If you didn’t see PART 1 of Lane Kiffin’s Odyssey be sure to check it out! Otherwise… well, yeah this probably doesn’t make sense either way.
Lane quietly wipped a tear from his eye. Many had perished for the Trojans, well not many, just him. But it was still “totally wack and sad and stuff” to Lane. Now was not the time for mourning, there would be time to think about what USC had thrown away later. Now was the time for courage and a ride home to Layla in his sweet sweet Mazda Miata.
Lane sat down in his Miata and adjusted his driving scarf, he was ready. Turning the key on a Mazda is a magical experience; it’s a sweet and beautiful sound, like a dolphin and a golf cart had a baby. But Lane’s Miata didn’t make the glorious cry of the mid-life crisis yuppie. Instead it let out a whimper and died, much like his team had done against Arizona State earlier that night. That’s when Lane saw the note.
I HAS TEKEN UR JOB NOW I ES GOEIN TO TEK LAYLA. U HAZ NO GAS, I HUFFED IT ALL,
“Not cool bro.” said Lane. Lane did the only thing he could do. He took off his driving visor and scarf, and put on his walking visor and scarf. It was time to set out for Layla and home. Orgeron may have his kingdom, but he wouldn’t get his home.
As lane walked down the winding ramp of the LAX parking garage he couldn’t help but feel like someone, or something, was watching him. The garage was quiet, too quiet. There were no cars, no bums yelling incoherent gibberish, no ratchety hoes crying out… this was far far too quiet for L.A. Then he saw him, a hulk looming out of the shadows.
“DAT IS FAR NUFF KEEFEN!” the creature yelled. “So this is how it is, just you and me Orgeron” said Kiffin calmly. “DIS IS HOW ET IS. TWO LONG HAVE I BEEN YOU DEFENSIVE LINE COACH, NOW I EN CHARGE.” “I guess I’m the only bro standing in your way” said Lane. “AFTER I KEL YOU I TAKE VISOR AS TROPHY” screamed Orgeron as he lunged forward.
“Wait, what happened to your eye bro?” asked Lane. “OH, I WUZ WRITING NOTE TO U AND ME PUT FACE TO CLOSE TO PAPER AGAIN AND PENCIL POKE EYE, I GET OWIE” said the giant. “What have I told you about using big boy pencils? Why didn’t you use one of your pretty crayons?” asked Lane. “I ATE DEM ALL AGAIN” said an embarrassed Orgeron. “You know those make your tum-tum hurt, it’s ok. We will get you some new colors, a big box!” said Kiffin soothingly. “And you don’t have to fight me. I want you to be the coach bro, you’re my best bro.” “OH KIFFY, ORGERON JUST PAWN IN GAME OF LIFE” cried the creature. “I know old buddy, I know” said Lane. “Now let’s go find Layla.”
STAY TUNED FOR TOMORROW’S INSTALLMENT AS OUR HERO FACES JACK DEL RIO AND HIS SIRENS IN THEIR DEN OF INEQUITY.