A Brief History of the University of Tennessee

The University of Tennessee was founded in 1794 by Reverend Bucephelus Lee after the local hill people burned another witch.  Reverend Lee realized that the solution to the problem was education.

We need a University of Tennessee because when someone is educated they are much less likely to start being a witch.  – Reverend Bucephelus Lee

The University of Tennessee was established in Knoxville, a lovely little hill people village full of love, kind souls, and herpes.

Tennessee played their first football game in 1891 against American Temperance, they lost.  The programs first win didn’t come until a year later.

Tennessee has 6 national titles, none of which occurred in this century.

Tennessee’s stadium is named after Coach Robert Neyland who was hired in 1926 for a very specific purpose.  According to Dean Nathan Doughtrey, Neyland was hired to “even the score with Vanderbilt.”  Vanderbilt had been dominating the state of Tennessee in athletics up to this point.  Many people say this was when Tennessee’s athletic department motto of “low expectations can be met” started to take shape.

In 1922 Tennessee began to wear orange instead of a mixture of uniforms left over from the civil war or all white uniforms with eye holes.

Tennessee’s mascot is Smokey, a dog.  This is because hill people love dogs and have a such large variety of ways to cook and prepare them, including smoking them.

Many people identify Tennessee with the wearing of a coon skin hat.  You might think this stems from Davy Crockett, but it’s actually much older.  Tennessee’s first dean of science Dr. Ricky Rufus Tyler Jr. used to wear a live raccoon on his head, you know, as a funny joke.  Davy Crokett only started wearing a coon skin hat to cover his growing bald spot.


Tennessee is known as the volunteer state because a whole lot of Tennessee folks wanted to fight for slavery in the civil war.

Tennessee students like to paint on a big rock.  This stems from the hill people’s deep connection to our primitive ancestor past.  Tennessee students are also afraid of fire and amazed by wheels.

Tennessee fans love to sing a song called “Rocky Top,” which hilariously was written by someone named Bryant.  The song Rocky Top is actually about a mountain on the Tennessee/North Carolina border and has nothing to do with the school.  Please do not tell any Tennessee fans this though, the only thing that tames the hill people is music.

Peyton Manning played at Tennessee.  Tennessee never beat Florida while Peyton Manning played for them.

“Operation Rocky Top” was the FBI’s name for it’s operation investigating the state government of Tennessee.  It resulted in State Secretary Gentry Crowell killing himself.

Notable contributions to American society from Tennessee include Clay Travis, Miley Cyrus, and Butt-Chugging.

In 1992 Tennessee hired Phillip Fulmer. Fulmer lead the Volunteers to some of their greatest achievements with his rallying cry of “Bring me Solo and the Wookie!”

Tennessee hired Lane Kiffin. lol

Tennessee hired Derek Dooley. LOL

Tennessee hired Butch Davis, who once lost to Derek Dooley.

Not that anyone’s counting, but at time of publication:

Photo Oct 24, 3 45 46 PM

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Tags: Alabama Crimson Tide Butch Davis Derek Dooley Lane Kiffin Phillip Fulmer Tennessee Volunteers

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