NFL Week 9 Recap, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan



Being undefeated 4 games into an NFL season is impressive.  Being undefeated 9 games into an NFL season is damn impressive.  I really don’t care what the talking heads on the mothership say about the Chiefs schedule, this is the NFL.  It would be one thing if the Chiefs had played the Jaguars every week, but they haven’t, they’ve played real live NFL teams.  We all know what a ten point win over the struggling Bills means…



I guess the good people at ESPN expected something more like this:


Forget Peyton and Eli, or those Harbaugh wussies, here is the battle of brothers that I’m interested in.  Rex vs. Rob: it’s an overweight Bobba Fett vs. Han Solo with a thing for feet, it’s a Hannibal who needs a haircut vs. Fabius with a thing for feet, it’s defense vs. defense… with a thing for feet.  There is nothing the CBS crew loves more than some brother vs. brother.  If you told Chris Berman that Tom Brady had a brother who played football his head would explode all over Applebees.

The Saints should be dominating their anemic division, but they continue to let Carolina stay within reach.  It’s almost like the Saints are a team that traditionally sucks, and even when they have a shot to be good usually find a way to to blow it.

The Jets on the other hand are 4-4 and with the QB troubles they have had should be really happy with that and a Music City Bowl game against Georgia.


The Hawks are secretly fans of the Jaguars and did everything they could do to help the Bucs get a win; securing the Jags first pick in the draft.  (Which we will then use to take a long snapper.)  But alas it was not to be, it’s like that old saying:

Where there’s a will to suck, there’s Orlampa.

The Hawks let the Rams and the Texans get pretty close too, is it time to worry in Seattle? No you ridiculous talking head fools the Hawks are 8-1, get a grip on reality.  Coming back from a 21 point deficit to win a game is amazing for any team.  Steven A. Smith needs to worry less about the Chiefs and Hawks, and more about why he looks like Ludacris in a suit.



Oh AFC South, you continue to be the Big 10 of the NFL.  Like the Big 10 you think very highly of yourself, and like the Big 10 the vast majority of your teams suck.  The Colts are the AFC South’s Ohio State, they are a good team with a good record, and possibly a couple of impressive wins.  But they are just the tallest of all the Ewoks.  The Colts did manage to win this battle for the pride lands… so all hail the Mufasa of sadness.


Remember when the Falcons were going to win the Super Bowl this year?  I guess this team just didn’t have enough “moxy” and “high motor guys.”   Of course Julio getting hurt was a kick in the nuts to the team.  I will say this, Atlanta sports radio will not take this well.  If you’ve never listened to Atlanta sports radio you really should give it a try.  It’s exclusively guys talking about how UGA is a national title contender and how the Falcons could still win he Super Bowl.  THESE ARE THE TOPICS OF CONVERSATION NO MATTER WHAT THE RECORD OF THE TEAMS, OR WHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS.

So let me ask you Falcons fans, which do you think is worse:

A. Having a season with great expectations and then it all going to hell.


B. Knowing your team is awful and having them be just as bad as you imagined.

If you chose A, you are wrong.  Trust me on this one, I would kill to know what having hope feels like.  In place of that hope at the beginning of a season, all I have is a dark ball of sad that I know will consume me.


The Bengals managed to get a safety in overtime.  Kudos to Andy Dalton though, that’s the best Tony Romo Halloween costume ever.

Let’s take a moment to put on our serious hats and talk about what’s going on in Miami.

I know I poke a lot of fun at players and people in my articles, but it truly is all in good fun.  I also make sure that I make fun of myself the most, I talk most trash about the Jags than any other team. Which is why this article is titled what it is.

On twitter I do the same thing mocking and playing with people.  Sometimes my jokes do upset people, but here’s the thing, (Follow me maybe?)  I never make my joke directly to someone.  If I was making a joke about Rex Ryan I would not tweet the joke to Rex Ryan.  At that point it’s no longer a joke, it’s being a jackass.

Sometimes people have found jokes I’ve written about them, gotten upset, and tweeted me about it.  In this case I blame them, because they are the ones searching their own name on twitter. (Hi there Leigh Anne Tuohy!)

Other times a fan of a team I’m mocking gets super angry because they don’t have a sense of humor and take sports way too seriously. (Hi there Auburn family!)

I try not go seeking out conflict based solely on someone being a fan of another team or some other arbitrary reason.  They have to do something to encourage some teasing.

I guess my point is that jokes are great, but bullying is something different.  Bullying is not trying to get a laugh, but trying to hurt the other person.

Bullying sucks because it’s not funny, it’s painful.  Bullying is about the bullies making themselves feel better, not making anyone else giggle.

Bullying is not something stupid and the solution is not to tell people to “man up.”  The solution is to know the difference between a joke and being a jackass for no reason.

I don’t know what the situation is in Miami with Incognito and Martin.  I know it has to be pretty serious for Miami to suspend Incognito.  It has to be pretty serious if Martin felt he needed to leave the team.

Rookie hazing is meant to make the rookies bond and to help the team accept the new members. The problem with hazing in the NFL is the same as the problem with hazing in frats; some jackass always takes it too far.  That one jerk makes it horrible and because of the social situation that has been established others don’t step in to stop the jerk like they would the rest of the time.

Whatever happened in Miami is stupid, and shouldn’t have ever gotten to this point before someone put a stop to it.   Just because athletes make a lot of money to play a game doesn’t mean we shouldn’t expect them to be adults.


The Jaguars found a way to lose bye week, that’s commitment right there boys.  If you want to catch my thoughts on the Blackmon fiasco you can do it here: What’s Worse Than Being A Jags Fan.

You should also think about liking the LB on Facebook, you know so we can be best friends.

You might also like:

NFL Week 8 Recap, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan

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