This Sunday two titans of the NFL will face off in an epic battle that will give the winner a spot in the driver’s seat in the AFC west. So much is at stake here for both teams, but Kansas City has an undefeated season on the line, while Denver wants to take that top spot from the Chiefs. This is likely to be the most watched game Sunday, and it begs the question, who do you cheer for? Not a Chiefs or Broncos fan? That’s okay, because I’ve put together a list to help you decide which team will get your support. Allow me to be your Fan Sherpa as we climb the harrowing heights of NFL fandom.
Which team has the best food?
Yes, I know that basing your dedication for a team solely on the 5 star rating of their fine cuisine isn’t really scientific, but this is football, so science has no authority here.
Kansas City is known for delicious BBQ, where a man can get lost in copious amounts of ribs slathered in the best BBQ sauce in the known world, nay universe.
Denver has omelets and steaks, but what they are know for is a little known delicacy called Rocky Mountain Oysters. That’s right folks, if you cheer for the Broncos, you have to be a fan of deep fried calf testicles. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s a big ole bucket of NOPE.
Advantage, Kansas City. Advantage, BBQ. Advantage, Merica.
Next let’s take a look at the music selection of each city.
Kansas City is known for the sultry sounds of Blues Music, while Denver is most famous for Folk Music. this is a tough one here folks. Would you rather listen to B.B. King and Eric Clapton, or Joni Mitchell and Bob Dylan? Welp…since I’m not a pot smoking hippy, and if you love football and Jesus you aren’t either, then you have to go with KC here, because John Denver.
Advantage, Kansas City.
Now Let’s look at each team’s Head Coach.
With John Fox out with health issues, the Broncos are captained by Jack Del Rio. That’s right folks, former Jags coach, Jack Del Rio. Let that sink in for a minute. Honestly, does it really matter who the Head Coach for Denver is? I mean, with John Elway making all the real decisions, and Peyton Manning as QB 1, the Broncos are pretty much on auto-pilot.
Kansas city is coached by Andy Reid’s mustache.
Advantage, Kansas City.
Lastly, let’s look at each team’s fans.
When making an important life decision, like choosing which NFL team to cheer for, one must take into account a very important, key factor; the established fans of the team you are considering.
As a life long Saints fan, I can tell you that there is nothing more satisfying than wearing a paper bag over your head and yelling at the top of your lungs “WHO DAT” to the opposing team’s fans as they pass you by on Bourbon Street. Seriously you guys, Saints fans are deplorable, and I ought to know, I R ONE. Up until the Saints won the Super Bowl, we were the laughing stock of the league. So, with that knowledge in mind, let’s take a look at KC and Denver’s fans.
Kansas City fans aren’t used to winning. They don’t know how to act like they’ve been there before. Each year the “ONE AND DONE” chant resonates through Arrow Head Stadium like a sad trombone being played in the rain. However, this year is different! KC fans are drunkenly wild and gleefully insane with a 9-0 start, which makes for some pretty awesome DON’T TASE ME BRO video.
Fans of the Denver Broncos are refined. They would much rather drink a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon to celebrate a touchdown. Things aren’t normal in Mile High Stadium folks, just a few years ago, fans were satisfied with Tebowing and mediocre seasons filled with unrealistic goals and lackluster playoff pushes. Of Course, this is a new Denver, and in 2013 Denver fans express themselves like this guy.
Advantage, sadly, Denver.
So as you can see, Kansas City is the clear choice for your fandom. I hope my comprehensive guide has helped you choose the right team on Sunday, because it would be a crime if you chose the wrong one, no seriously, cheering for Denver is tantamount to crimes against America. Whomever you choose however, I’m sure the game will be satisfying, as two of the NFL’s best face off Sunday Night at 7pm on NBC. Don’t miss it!