So I think I may not get a single one of my early game predictions right. I AM UPHOLDING THE TRADITIONS OF MY GLORIOUS FRANCHISE!
CHARGERS VS DOLPHINS
Will the Dolphins get bullied by the Chargers? #Zing #Comedy #NailedIt #PointlessHashtags It’s this kind of creativity that makes me a beloved internet comedian. I think losing to the Bucs may be the saddest thing that can happen to a franchise, how do you bounce back from that?
Chargers > Dolphins
PACKERS VS GIANTS
Aaron Rogers remains off the field due to injury and having more vowels than necessary in his first name. While I respect that Scott Tolzien led Wisconsin to a big Champs Sports Bowl victory, I don’t think he’s ready to lead the Pack. Also, he kind of looks like a little kid with facial hair. The Giants also seem to have started their traditional start falling ass backwards into the playoffs move.
Giants > Packers
VIKINGS VS SEAHAWKS
The great Norse warriors travel west in search of victory in battle and maybe some coffee. The Seahawks should easily win this game, but Seattle is known for being super edgy and hipster. So they may lose “ironically.”
Seahawks > Vikings
49ERS VS SAINTS
Can these prospectors regain the honor of the west that was lost when the Saints demolished the Cowboys? I think a good strategy would be simply to make the Saints run the ball. The problem with that strategy is that you have to stop Drew Brees. I’m going to pull for the 49ers though because apparently their city is filled with the coolest people ever and Batkid.
49ers > Saints
CHIEFS VS BRONCOS
I want the Chiefs to win this because I think the Broncos fan base will have a hilarious meltdown and I am in it for the lulz.
Chiefs > Broncos