College Football Recap, Week 12

FLORIDA VS SOUTH CAROLINA

Will Muschamp is a man who makes records:

Losing to Vandy at home for the first time since 1945.

Florida loses 5 straight games for the first time since 1979.

Florida will miss out on a bowl game for the first time in 23 years. (Of course when they missed a bowl in 1990 it was due to sanctions, not Will Muschamp.)

Will Muschamp is making Ron Zook look like a heck of a head coach.  I understand that Florida has had a lot of injuries and bad luck, but you can’t excuse losing to Vandy at home.  You can’t excuse not getting bowl eligible.

And call Alanis Moriesett, we need someone to explain irony to Will Muschamp, who after punching a chalk board in frustration told the fans to “get a grip.”

Oh, South Carolina was there too and did South Carolina things: just enough to win but not enough to impress anyone.

 

WEST VIRGINIA VS KANSAS

Kansas beat a West Virginia team that has more walking wounded than Florida and Georgia put together.  But this is Kansas and a win is a win in football, so they freaked out and tore the goal post down.  Kansas hasn’t celebrated this hard since they last killed a witch.  Oh, no I don’t mean the one in the Wizard of Oz, which was just a movie.  I meant the one they killed last week.  Kansas regularly condemns and burns witches at the stake, mostly for doing magical “science.”

 

GEORGIA VS AUBURN

All I’m saying is that if my house is on fire I do not want to see fireman Aaron Murray coming to deal with the crisis.  Aaron’s Murray nickname needs to be “automatic” because he is decidedly unclutch.

Meanwhile UGA fans shouldn’t worry about Mark Richt because next year, his 14th season, is when he really gets it together… or is it the year after?

My favorite reason that UGA fans give for why they can’t fire Mark Richt is “who else are we going to get?”  If you are to chicken to bet then you are assured of never winning.

As for Auburn it was an impressive 3 quarters, followed by one of the worst 4th quarter collapses ever, followed by divine intervention.

 

MICHIGAN VS NORTHWESTERN

I’m not angry that Northwestern wore American flag uniforms.  I am angry that Northwestern wore American flag uniforms that looked like they were originally designed to be part of a NO FEAR t-shirt.

Michigan was very upset this week when Da’Shawn Hand picked Alabama over Michigan.  Many Michigan alums couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to be a part of their program.  Michigan needed 3 over times to beat Northwestern.

 

USC VS STANFORD

“SEE I TOLD YOU, THIS WAS ALL MY DOING!” yelled Lane Kiffin through his Xbox headset to the 12 year olds playing Call of Duty.   USC beat Stanford who beat Oregon who beat Washington State who beat USC, because college football is weird y’all.  So to the Pack we say “happy trails you have no hope of a BCS championship contender.”

 

ALABAMA VS MISSISSIPPI STATE

THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING, TAKE COVER, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!  Yeah Alabama played a bad game after they played LSU? You don’t say? That doesn’t happen… oh, every single year.  At least Bama won that game this year.

Like this? Then you should also check out:

Was That Targeting? Flow Chart

Recruit Who Picked Other School “Sucks” According To College Football Fans

 

 

Topics: Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn Tigers, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Kansas Jayhawks, Michigan Wolverines, Mississippi State Bulldogs, Northwestern Wildcats, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stanford Cardinal, USC Trojans, West Virginia Moutianeers

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  • Alabama Nation

    Will Muschamp no longer deserves the nickname “Padawan”