College football wizard and self taught cat surgeon Houston Nutt is here to give us some SEC predictions.
Mississippi State vs. Arkansas
I don’t know bout you peeples but I is looking forward to this game like a pig looks forward to slop. I can’t wait to see dem Mississippi State Bulldogs get after it wit dem Arkansas Pigs. The key to de game may be puntin who can punt dey opponent back father in dey own territories and get a chance to kick de field goals. Neither of des teams is real great, it’s kinda like a three legged hound dog fighting an ostrich.
I pick Mississippi State WOOF WOOF
Coastal Carolina vs. South Carolina
My oh my oh my. Coastal Carolina ain’t got no more chance o winning this thing as a grasshopper has of playing the piano. Steve Spurrier is a master mind of strategery and will have dis ting locked up early. Steve is a classy man and plays that classy fancy man game of golf. I don’t play de traditional golfs, but I do play my own version using a possum, a bag of marbles, and a 2×4.
I got dem Gamecocks
Chattanooga vs. Alabama
Chattanooga ain’t been in dis much trouble since Sherman marched through. Even I couldn’t beat Nick Saban and I’m one of dose idiot savants. Chattanooga is going to get beat like a greased monkey in a wheel barrow. I wouldn’t want to be on de other end of dat sack of doorknobs.
I pick Alabama
Georgia Southern vs. Florida
I feel a strong connection with Will Muschamp, he reminds me of me. A brilliant strategist and visionary peeple helper that other peeple just don’t understand. It be a shame if Florida didn’t give him more time cause he obviously has a plan. Luckily he has an easy game against Georgia Southern dis weekend where he can get a much needed win. I mean Florida losing to Georgia Southern would be like de mule learning to talk. I got a bad feeling about that mule.
I choose Florida
Texas A&M vs. LSU
It’s hard to go into Baton Rouge and come out with a win, I should know. But dat Johnny Manziel can dance around faster den a rooster on riddlin. Les Miles is a kindred spirit I remember fondly our times together making jokes and talking about theoretical physics. Texas A&M is new to the conference and it’s like my daddy always said “Houston, don’t trust new things cause frogs are green and get me another whiskey.”
I pick LSU
Vanderbilt vs. Tennessee
Uh Oh Tennessee, looks like the gifted kids have a good football team again. De good hill people of Tennessee might be in for another long afternoon if dez Commy Doors are hot. I don’t know why they named their team Commy Doors, but it goes to show that you can’t trust dem smart people. They are all dirty Commies.
I think Vandy wins
Kentucky vs. Georgia
Ain’t no way Kentucky beats Georgia, I mean der just ain’t no way. Mark Richt is a coach wit my kind of record. Mid-range bowls and moderate success year after year after year. Richt knows his place and knows how to win just enough to not get fired. He’s gone stick around at Georgia till the cows come home to the Music City bowl.
I pick UGA
Missouri vs. Ole Miss
Missouri is number 8 in the nation? How did that happen peeple? I mean that’s like a goat learning to ride a unicycle. I don’t know if Mizzou can keep it up against the Rebels. Ole Miss has only lost to really good teams, due to my recruiting. You see any success Ole Miss has is on de backs of de cruitin and peeple heppin that I set up. You be welcome Ole Miss.
I pick MY Ole Miss Rebels
Topics: Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Houston Nutt, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Mississippi State Bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, Ole Miss Rebels, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas A&M Aggies, Vanderbilt Commodores