The Iron Bowl is upon us, and there has never been more on the line for either team. For Alabama, an undefeated season, a berth in the SEC Championship Game, and a shot at a third BCS National Championship in a row. For Auburn, a win will put them, not their hated in-state rivals, in the SEC Championship, and a possible berth in the BCS National Championship Game.
Not a fan of either team? That’s okay, because if you love Jesus, if you love Santa, if you love Merica, then you’ll cheer for Alabama. That’s right folks, cheering for Auburn is tantamount to cheering for the Taliban, or Justin Beiber, or even those crappy Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel that play on a never ending loop of sad B actors, sucking the life out of my favorite holiday; cheering for Auburn is that. Why should you hate Auburn? Well, I’m glad you asked, because just like the Ghost of Christmas Future, I’m here to show you what might happen if you choose to cheer for Auburn.
Fans of Auburn are the worst, no really they are. They range from the delusional, self-entitled to the white-trash, loud-mouths; Auburn fans cover the entire fan spectrum. Like this guy, who thinks he has magical powers.
Or these responsible, environmentally conscious Auburn fans, that give White-Trash a new meaning.
And then of course, there are always classy Auburn fans on Twitter. Enjoy the following video, artfully rendered by our own Bandit Ref.
Auburn isn’t just defined by it’s fans, however. Before the 2013 season started, Auburn head coach, Gus Malzahn and Arkansas Razorbacks head coach, Bret Beilema got into a heated back in forth over the “No-huddle Offense”. Gus made claims that defenses were faking injuries to stop the no-huddle, a claim that BERT vehemently denied. Then Auburn came to Fayetteville to play the hapless Razorbacks, and this happened.
As you can see, the evidence is clear, Auburn is not deserving of your cheers. So, do the right thing today and cheer for Alabama. Alabama will put an end to the terrible reign of terror that Auburn has forced upon us this 2013 season. Cheer for right, cheer for justice, cheer for Merica, cheer for Bama.