NFL Late Game Preview, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan



 

CHIEFS at RAIDERS

 
Each week ESPN and the sports talk radio genuises claim that the Chiefs will lose to       insert any crap team here  because they are a huge fraud; each week the Chiefs win.  Don’t feel lonely on “ESPN is full of bull island” though Chiefs fans.  I just heard an ESPN “analyst” say that they couldn’t believe that the Bills let the Jags catch up, because the Jags are the worst team in the NFL.  Now, I’m not saying the Jags are good, or even mediocre, but they aren’t the worst.  You could make the Texans’ opponents wear their helmets backwards and they would find a way to lose.  Once sports media has said something a few times during a season they will continue to say it even if it’s not true.  Why? Because journalism in sports is dead and they are all just copying each other over and over.  I hope the Chiefs win by 50.
 
Chiefs win by 50.
 

JETS at PANTHERS

 
The Panthers should win this game.  Lord knows the Panthers are clearly the more talented team and they have the superior quarterback.  (I still hate Cam) I don’t see how the Jets can pull it off.  Like I’ve said before though, the Jets may be 6-7 but it’s a positive 6-7.  If I had predicted the Jets win total before the season began it wouldn’t be a number that’s high enough to be dividable by two.
 
Panther party!
 

CARDINALS at TITANS

 
The Birdgang is without the Honey Badger due to injury.  Also the Birdgang and the Honey Badger need to seriously think about their nickname game.  I get that your mascot is a sweet little bird that eats sunflower seed, but come on.  Honey Badger? Yeah that was a funny YouTube video, maybe one of the CB’s can be “What Does The Fox Say?” The Titans are the next to worst team in the worst division, the Titans will lose.
 
#Birdgang
 

SAINTS at RAMS

 
This ought to be a… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Shhhhhh, I think we should all use this down time to get some extra sleep in.   The Rams won’t mind if you don’t watch Drew Brees murdifiy them.  They say the average American only gets six hours of sleep, so time is precious.  In fact time is so precious that many Americans have started multi-tasking. This picture of Drew Brees and his wife driving somewhere while getting their (root) beer on is a prefect example of mutli-tasking in action.
 
The Saints change the name of St. Louis to Mr. Louis.
 
brees
 

PACKERS at COWBOYS

 
The Packers are going to be without Aaron Rodgers for a sixth straight game.  This is good news for America’s team* and their leading man Tony Romo.  Yes last week a backup QB had a field day with the Cowboys, but Matt Flynn isn’t Josh McCown.  In fact after watching today’s Bear’s game is apparent to everyone that isn’t a Bears head coach that Jay Cutler isn’t Josh McCown.
 
Boys get it done.
 
*When Jerry Jones says that the Cowboys are “America’s team” he means the America in his head, the one where Ross Perot was elected president for life.
 

BENGALS at STEELERS

 
Can the Steelers beat the Bengals and NOPE.  According to Texas Longhorn fans though Mike Tomlin may have one foot out the door.  The Longhorn’s rumored list of top coaching candidates was Nick Saban, Harbaugh, and Tomlin.  Only the Longhorns would be so full of themselves to believe any of this was remotely realistic.  Hey Longhorns, after you guys lure one of those coaches to Texas let’s all go ride unicorns on gumdrop island!
 
Tigger over the Pooh that is the Steelers.

Tags: Arizona Cardinals Carolina Panthers Cincinnati Bengals Dallas Cowboys Green Bay Packers Kansas City Chiefs New Orleans Saints New York Jets Oakland Raiders Pittsburgh Steelers St. Louis Rams Tennessee Titans

  • BWrangler

    You are a genius. I can’t wait to read your column every week.

  • Gary Stewart

    way to go bandittree you went 2 for 5 which is good as a baseball player but loses you alot of money in vegas better luck next time