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NFL Week 15 Recap, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan


 

CHARGERS vs. BRONCOS

 
What happened Broncos? I know your receiving core was without one member of the lollipop guild (my fantasy team certainly realized it) but come on.
 
Phillip Rivers has out QB’d Peyton Manning… up is down, white is black, I don’t know who I am anymore.  Peyton will get a full 10 days to figure this thing out before the ritual sacrifice of the Texans and Raiders.
 

REDSKINS vs. FALCONS

 
The first quarter of this game it looked like the Falcons of old (last year). Only the Redskins could make the Falcons look like 2012, well only the Redskins and Texans… and Jags maybe.   But the Falcons quickly realized that they were a sports franchise from Atlanta and began to fall apart.
 
The Redskins decision to go for 2 and try to get the win has been hotly debated since the game.  My big question is why? Not why did they go for 2, but why are we debating this?  It’s a couple of 3-10 teams, what do they have to lose?
 
Krik Cousins’ post game press conference was special too.   According to Cousins, if you don’t throw interception and you score two more touchdowns “things might have been different.”
 

SEAHAWKS vs. GIANTS

 
The G-men were never going to win this game, they are just terrible and the Hawks are just really good.  I’m starting to think that Eli is doing this on purpose.  Maybe this is some kind of rebellion against his dad and Peyton.  “Oh you were so successful in the NFL? WATCH THIS!” screamed Eli Manning as he threw a 5th interception and went up stairs to listen some Dave Mathews Band.  Eli hates you, you’ll never understand his art.
 

PATRIOTS vs. DOLPHINS

 
The Patriots lost. :)
 
I do enjoy watching Patriots fans lose their minds after a loss.  I also know that the Fins have really improved in the second half of the season. Really, there is no shame in losing to a Dolphins team that is hot right now, but just let me have this one.  I’m sure once the Patriots get A-Rod back from suspension and Jeter back from injury everything will be back to normal.
 

BILLS vs. JAGUARS

 
Now this is the Jaguars I know and love.  I was starting to get really uncomfortable with all this not losing.  It was a close game but we still found a way to lose, that’s what makes Duval special.  In truth though, a Jags team without MJD and Cecil Shorts managed to hang with a professional football team almost the whole game.  I would have preferred not to lose to a Canadian football team, but you can’t choose the battles you fail when you are Jaguar. No matter who you’re playing the opportunity to fall flat on your face is ever present.  Well done my old Jags, well done.
 

CHIEFS vs. RAIDERS

 
On Saturday I predicted that the Chiefs would win by 50.  While they didn’t win by 50, I think my prediction was probably responsible for them scoring 50.  I might have amazing mutant sports powers now.  Let’s make some other predictions and see how good I really am:

After every other team in the AFC gets the flu the Jags make the playoffs as a stand in team.

Andy Reid will be People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2014.

Jamal Charles will realize that he has two first names, start driving NASCAR.

The NFL will move a team to London, it’s the Colts.

Andrew Luck hosts SNL, brings back the caveman lawyer.
 

 
I must use these new power for good, not evil. With great power comes great…

Tom Brady leaves Gisele for Justin Bieber.
 

PACKERS vs. COWBOYS

 
Cowboys gonna Cowboy. The Boys found a way to lose to Pack even without Aaron Rodgers being active. Truly Tony Romo has a gift. Romo giveth two touchdowns and Romo taketh away two interceptions. Ye of little faith, you must love the Romo with all your heart no matter your worldly circumstances.
 
Meanwhile Jerry Jones said that when he said that he had complete faith in Jason Garrett, he was just talking about that morning. The Cowboys have had 52 head coaches in the last ten years. The Cowboys have sucked the whole time. Hey Jerry, maybe it’s not the coaches?

Tags: Atlanta Falcons Buffalo Bills Dallas Cowboys Green Bay Packers Jacksonville Jaguars Kansas City Chiefs Miami Dolphins New England Patriots New York Giants Oakland Raiders Seattle Seahawks Washington Redskins

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