NFL Week 17 Late Game Preview, Written By A Depressed Jags Fan

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BRONCOS vs RAIDERS

 
You could win the lottery today, and the Raiders could win this game.  But it’s very very unlikely.  The Broncos would like to cinch home field advantage and the only thing standing in the way is the black and grey.  The Raiders are going back to Terrell Pryor in this one in an effort to make this funnier.  I do appreciate their dedication to comedy.

Broncos.
 

BUCCANEERS vs SAINTS

 
Here’s another game where one team (Bucs) knows the season is over and the other team (Saints) needs to win to get in the playoff picture.  The Saints have had some inconstant moments over the last few weeks and I still think Greg Schiano is a rube, but they have something to play for here.  At least the Bucs get a nice trip to New Orleans instead of having to finish the year in Florida’s arm pit.

The Saints set up a dramatic first round playoff loss.
 

PACKERS vs BEARS

 
Everyone and I mean literally everyone is picking the Pack in this one.  Aaron Rodgers is back and since he single handedly carries his team that’s it they have it wrapped up.  But wait, on the other team we have Jay Cutler QB of a team that refuses to admit how much better they were when the back up was playing.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that Green Bay is better with their starter and Chicago is better with their backup.  Both starters are starting.

I’ll join the pack picking the Pack.
 

BILLS vs PATRIOTS

 
The Patriots general rotate the Bills and the Dolphins as their final two games of the season.   Such exciting nail biters at the end of the schedule for the NFL’s darlings.  However the Pats have struggled and the Bills are on a bit of a hot streak.  (Now when I say hot streak let’s keep in mind im talking about the Jags and the Dolphons.)  If Tom Brady loses this game he will be forced to go home and have sex with his supermodel wife before playing the Colts or Bengals.

I’d like to see the Bills win for the lulz.
 

RAMS vs SEAHAWKS

 
The Rams should be sending thank you cards to the Redskins.  The skins traded away what they thought would be a mid to late first round pick last year to the Rams.  The skins then spent all season trying to get that pick to #1 in the draft.  I doubt the Rams beat the Seahawks but as a young team they put together a good season and hey they have the second pick in the draft.

Seahawks.
 

CHIEFS vs CHARGERS

 
Many people say that the Chiefs have nothing to play for, but those people are wrong.  Every game the Chiefs win is another victory in the fight to explain to people that Kansans City is in Missouri.  Also you have to remember that old holiday saying “every time the Chiefs win Andy Reid eats a wing.”  That being said the Chiefs are going to rest a lot of starters here.

The chargers are the most bi-polar NFL team ever created and you never know who will show up. The Chargers know however that the Dolphins and Ravens losses today, paired with a win here, guarantees an opportunity to disappoint fans in the first round of the playoffs.

Chargers playoff dreams are realized so they can be crushed.
 

 49ERS vs CARDINALS

 
The Cardinals can’t just get into the playoffs with a win, some heart, and a pound of weed from the Honey Badger’s dealer.  The Cards also need the Saints to lose to the Buccaneers and nope I just don’t see that happening.  A Niner win today would secure another NFC West title and more glory for the city of San Fransisco, rice, and trolleys.

Niners.
 

EAGLES vs COWBOYS

 
Yippe ki-yay Cowboys! A win here could get the Dallas Cowboys into the playoffs, and with Tony Romo injured his streak of playoff loses would be assured an ending no matter what.  A win here might also save Jason Garrett’s job as Cowboys head coach and delay Houston Nutt’s rise to glory.  For that reason alone I have to root for the Eagles.

Nutt for Cowboys!

 

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Tags: Arizona Cardinals Buffalo Bills Chicago Bears Dallas Cowboys Denver Broncos Green Bay Packers Kansas City Chiefs New England Patriots New Orleans Saints Oakland Raiders Philadelphia Eagles San Diego Chargers San Fransisco 49ers Seattle Seahawks St. Louis Rams Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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