The BCS Championship Game: A Pep Talk For Auburn

Photo Nov 03, 11 23 02 AM

Hey there Auburn,

I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye on things, but I wanted to write you a short note to let you know I’m rooting for you.

It’s crazy how much is riding on this game isn’t it? If you were to lose tonight you wouldn’t just be letting yourselves down, you’d be letting the whole South down. To be the team that lets the SEC’s run of dominance end, you’d be a total pariah.  I don’t even want to think about it. [shudders]  People will probably start calling you “The Auburn Carpetbaggers.”

It would be your Gettysburg, you charge up the long field and BOOOOOOOOM get blown away.  When you got home people won’t even look you in the eye because they are so embarrassed by what you’ve done.  Don’t worry though, just go out there and have fun tonight!

Don’t think about the fact that you’ll be letting everyone you’ve ever loved down.  Don’t worry about how awkward it’s going to be for your friends and family to say “Yeah, my son played in the BCS Championship Game, the one where the SEC’s dominance was shattered by the ACC.”  Don’t worry about what kind of names your mom and girlfriend will be called by the FSU fans while they leave the stadium.

Did you see how much it hurt Kansas City Chiefs fans to have such a promising season, and then have it ripped away at the last second?  Those guys were downright suicidal.  I think the journey of going from really bad to really good, only to fall short, must be one of the greatest pains ever.  You know those players and fans are going to live with that “what if?” for the rest of their lives!  You guys though, you got this thing locked up.

I certainly wouldn’t think about the ESPN coverage for the next few weeks if you lost.  ESPN won’t be able to shut up about the end of the SEC’s run just repeating the score over and over and over and over and over…  In fact they will probably make a 30 for 30 special about it.  Those media specials are always really flattering when they are about Auburn.  That’s a pretty good consolation prize, a big TV special, really this is a win/win for you.  I’m also sure Danny Kanell won’t be totally insufferable or anything.

Don’t worry about Gus Malzhan leaving either, I mean sure you’ve spent all the money on him your university can afford to spend right now… and a win would make him a national star, but I’m sure none of the 10 NFL teams out looking for coaches are going to look his way.

There are so many things in life more important than football.  Those kids in Africa are going to be hungry whether you win or lose… of course, it is a shame if they have to be hungry and disappointed in you.

In closing just don’t worry about how you could lose this game for the SEC, allow an ACC team to win, become a national joke, lose your coach, let the terrorists win and make Jesus cry. Just go play your hardest and I’m sure football fans will understand.  After all, college football fans are known as a calm and rational bunch,

All the best,

Bandit

p.s. Losing won’t be a probation violation for Nick Marshall right? That would be harsh.

Tags: Auburn Tigers BCS Championship Game Bowl Season Florida State Seminoles NCAA

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