20 Reasons Why Gus Malzhan Should Take The Cleveland Browns Head Coaching Job

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Photo Jan 06, 4 31 42 PM
 
I’m not at all writing an article on Gus Malzhan to Cleveland on the day of the BCS National Championship game to be a troll.
 

 1. Arkansas and Auburn are among a select number of places that are actually worse than Cleveland.

 

2. In the NFL there is no need to fudge anyone’s grade.

 

3. Cleveland pays in U.S. currency instead of Confederate script.

 

4. In Cleveland you don’t have to try to live up to Tommy Tuberville.

 

5. You can use your toilet paper for the reason God intended.

 

6. A starting QB without a criminal record. (Providing you don’t trade for Cam Newton.)

 

7.  You prefer bowling to “shootin’ critters.”

 

8. You’ll no longer be associated with THIS

 

9. Much like Auburn and the U.S. penal system, Cleveland uses a shade of orange as a main color, so some clothing can be reused.

 
orange-jumpsuits
 

10.  Far lower chance of being offered a meal where the meat course was once a tree dwelling mammal.

 

11. You don’t have to spend all your time recruiting at community colleges.

 

12. More LensCrafters locations.

 

13. Fewer sniper attacks.

 
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14. The members of the Dawg Pound are much more sophisticated and well mannered than the Auburn fraternities.

 

15. Tigers are such an overplayed mascot… GO CLEVELAND LEGOLASES!

 

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16. Housing options in Cleveland aren’t restricted to “one with wheels or one on blocks.”

 

17. In Cleveland Kristi can blend in among the crazy homeless people ranting about the end times.

 

 

18. The fans in Ohio are used to seeing coaches in sweater vests.

 

19. No more long talks with Pat Dye about pond management.

 

20. More people than cows.

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Tags: Auburn Tigers Cleveland Browns

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