Escape (The Bobby Petrino Song)
He was tired of his new job, they’d been together too long
He was bored of his new life, and missed his volleyball Hog.
So instead of recruiting defenders, He read the paper in bed
And in the classified columns, there was this letter he read
If you like screaming at players, we’re ok with all that
We’re not much into morals, if you can beat the Wildcats
If you like skipping town at midnight, for a job with more pay
Then I’m the program you’ve looked for, coach for me and escape
He didn’t think about his players, he never did in the past
But him and Western Kentucky, we know they were never gonna last
So he sent back an email, to the classified ad.
And he attached his resume, and his cover sheet read…
Yes, I like screaming at players, and acting like a spoiled brat
I kick reporters out of PC’s, and I hate the Wildcats.
I’ve got to meet you on the downlow, Lexington would be great.
I’m the head coach you’ve looked for, hire me and escape.
So he waited with high hopes, then who should walk in the place?
He knew his smile in an instant, he knew the curve of his face
It was his old boss Tom Jurich, and Tom said, “Oh, fuck you!”
Bobby laughed for a moment, then said “You guys are screwed.”
Charley left you for Texas, and Teddy B’s going pro.
You need someone who can recruit here, and I’ve done that before.
You’ve got no qualms with controversy, Pitino’s still doing great.
I’m the head coach you’ve looked for, Hire me and escape.
(The two men embrace in an impassioned bro-hug. Tom says to Bobby)
Yes we have had controversy, those go away if you win games
Just please don’t hire a mistress, and please don’t leave laminates.
If you can still just beat the Wildcats, and keep our program in shape.
Then I don’t care you’re an asshole, coach for me and escape.