Never Get in Dennis Rodman's Panel Van

Let’s pretend you are a retired NBA semi-star.  Your old, in NBA years, which is like dog years squared.  And your bank account is draining drier than the town they based Footloose on.  And I mean John Lithgow Footloose.  Who’s that on your phone? Its Dennis Rodman.  He has a proposal for a great pay day.  An awesome pay day.  Its a score that could set you up for the rest of 2014.  Its a 1 game deal playing a national team.  What team?

North Korea.



Well damn.  That place is crazy.  Rodman took some heat when he went over there last time just to hang with Kim Il Poppin’ Fresh.




Plus, it sounds like this guy bought all of Mike Vick’s dogs off of eBay.
 But, if I don’t ask about his family then I should be cool.  You don’t know why Dennis got all that smack anyways.  Americans play Cubans in baseball all the time.  We even did concerts and other stuff with the Russians.  They made movies about the impact of sports on society.  Nelson Mandela was in a movie with Good Will Hunting about some kind of over-inflated backyard football game.  Rambo and the old soccer dude Pablo played soccer against the Germans.  This is just one little basketball game that no one in this country will even pay attention to.  Hell, the BCS and NFL playoffs will be on.  All you have to do is slip in, throw the ball around, get your dollars and get out.

Then you get over there and it all seems cool.  Play some ball, meet some folks.  Smooth as silk.  Somebody says something about the game is on Poppin’ Fresh’s birthday.  Oh well, who cares.  CNN calls.  They want an interview.  Ok, well this should a quick deal.  Talk to the press.  Say stuff like its not like everyone thinks.  North Korean folks got some education about America from real Americans. Use the words, “basketball diplomacy” like that’s some sort of real thing, about 20 times and we are out.  So in the CNN spot, this Cuomo guy is mad about some dude you know nothing about then Dennis opens his damn mouth:

This is definitely going in the wrong direction.  Whatever payday this was isn’t going to be enough.  You look on your phone and see where Stern just said those Ben’s you got are probably fake.  He says that N Korea is one of the biggest counterfeiters in the world.  That means when you get home, you will be hated and just as broke as you were before.  All that hate should go a long way into alienating any business prospects that you could have had.  Thanks Dennis.  You have to ask yourself why did it have to go this way?

Tags: Dennis Rodman NBA North Korea

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