The New Gold Card: Oscar Perks
Whether it’s Groupon or a text message deal we’re all looking to grab freebies, perks, and discounts nowadays. If you’re in Hollywood though one little item can really get you ahead of the crowd.
The esteemed statue can get you many things, including, but not limited too:
Tweet Worthy. Just going is tweet worthy, Ellen didn’t win an Oscar but she won twitter.
First invited to the after party
Last invited to the after party
You want that script or part, you can have that script or part.
Couch-jumping , chair-jumping, stair-tripping privileges! When you fall it is now considered “cute.”
Cool secret society membership. Does it come with a free gym membership too?
Ellen’s BFF . She’ll dance with you & take a selfie @ the same time. That Pizza guy is totes popular.
Free Public tantrums. Break-ups. Breakdowns. Outbursts. Unlimited. It’s all because of the stress that comes from being a legend.
DIY House Decorating . Paperweight. Christmas Star. Hood Ornament. Better than that old bowling trophy any day.
Events & Luncheons with free food & drink. Score. Assigned seating can be arranged if you don’t want to be see eating with “little people.” (Not a midget joke.)
Fancy clothes & Jewels. However you must turn them in by midnight, or risk B-list demotion. [cough] Lohan [cough]
$$ Cash Monies $$ or Free Starbucks… it’s all relative.
Sorry Leo, maybe next year.
In case you did miss the show here’s a little rundown I did for Facebook:
You can follow me on Twitter at @KCozlin
See ya at next years Oscars!