Dear Lord Commander’s Log,
I don’t even feel like LOLing at that today, because my life is a black abyss. I’m pretty sure Ygritte and I are breaking up, and I’ve been cutting myself, hoping that she can feel my pain, and take me back. Ygritte is my soul mate, she’s the hottest girl I know, but what do I know…probably nothing. Why couldn’t Ygritte just come back to Castle Black with me? I mean, even Sam has a new girlfriend, even though she’s got a baby…LOL man is he screwed! He’s not even her baby daddy.
Sam told me about the other bros killing Lord Commander Mormont, and that we will have to vote a new one in, but I don’t vote, because I’m not a conformist sheep like the rest of ‘em. I’m pretty mad at Pyp right now. He took my, My Chemical Romance CD to Mole’s Town a couple of night’s ago, so he could bang this chick there. He came back with nothing but burning pee. Now I’ll never get to hear “Welcome to the Black Parade” again, and that was my favorite song!
Maester Aemon keeps mumbling about some prince that was promised, and saying that “they” got it wrong, whatever that means. Sam needs to stop staring at Gilly’s boobs every time she feeds that baby of hers, and start paying more attention to Maester Aemon. Seriously…old dude farted yesterday while I was helping him feed the ravens, and it smelled like hot-rotten eggs. I almost threw up! He kept laughing and saying “pull my finger Egg” but I have no clue who this Egg is. I just know that I’m never falling for the old pull my finger trick, ever again. I don’t care that he used to be a Targaryen.
Welp Lord Commander’s Log…okay LOL…I gotta go for now, it’s Salisbury Steak night, and I am not going to miss that again.