I’m really glad I have you LCL, because without getting my daily LOL from you, my life would be a black abyss of despair. Ser Alliser is so mean to me. He calls me Lord Snow, which at first, I thought it was a compliment, but then I saw Maester Aemon snickering and I knew it was a sick burn.
Now Ser Alliser has that walking-jiggling bag of douche, Janos Slynt following him around, and that guy is a real dick. Every time he talks, it’s all I can do not to stare at his fat neck beard, as it jiggles like that direwolf jello cake that Sam made me for my last birthday…it was actually pretty good. By the old gods and the new, I want some jello cake!
Speaking of Sam, he told me that my little bro Bran, was north of the Wall yesterday…WTF BRAN! It’s not like he has the legs to walk out there in the haunted forest, and I know Brodor is carrying him, but for shit’s sake, that is just like Bran to hog all the spotlight for himself. “Oh look at me, I climbed a wall today” yeah who gives a crap Bran. “Oh look Bran fell off the tower” Serves him right. I don’t mean that…well not so much, anyway.
I still haven’t heard from Ygritte. I’ve been sending out ravens with some of my poetry tied to their legs, but none of them have returned. It sucks that I don’t know if she’s read them yet, but man, those poems are some of my best stuff. Here’s one I sent:
Roses are red
Violets are black
I miss your sweet lips
All up on my sack
I just know that if she gets these poems, then she’ll forgive me and we can sneak off together, and have little red-headed babies, maybe we can find a wolf wife for Ghost and have puppies. I could probably get a job as a sellsword or something, I’m pretty good with it.
Anyway, I gotta jet LCL, Ser Alliser is sending me to Craster’s Keep to kill Karl and the deserters, and Sam wants me to get some of Gilly’s underwear while I’m there…I don’t even want to know why.