Aug 22, 2013; Detroit, MI, USA; New England Patriots quarterback Tim Tebow (5) warms up on the sidelines in the third quarter of a preseason game against the Detroit Lions at Ford Field. Mandatory Credit: Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

NFL News From A Depressed Jags Fan 6/3/2014

IMG_1851
Lots of exciting NFL News this week, including Tebow related news, so we can either talk about that or we can commit Sepukku.  Let’s flip a coin…  Damn, it was tails. I guess we will have to talk about Tebow…

TIM TEBOW

Tim Tebow says that he is excited about being an analyst for ESPN, but he’s staying in shape just in case.  In case of what? I mean if your staying in shape so that you can be prepare for the zombie apocalypse, that’s one thing.  It’s rule number 1 after all.

NFLthisWeekcardio
But if you’re staying in shape because you think an NFL team is going to come calling for a 26 year old version of the guy who couldn’t make it as a 22 year old, sorry man.

I guess what annoys me most about Tebow is that he did this to himself.  Tebow was offered the opportunity to play positions other than QB by multiple teams, but always held out that he was going to be a QB.  When the Jags made an offer to bring him to Jacksonville it was with the understanding that he wouldn’t be a QB, he chose to go to the New York Jets.  I think Tebow is a nice guy, you can’t argue that.  You can’t just pretend that this was a great conspiracy against him though, his bad decisions played into the situation he finds himself in now.  Which isn’t a bad situation at all really.   I mean I would kill to be on the SEC Network and have churches all over the country pay me huge sums of money to come give them pep talks.  Maybe the greatest team player ever should realize he wasn’t really much of a team player in the NFL and count the blessings he does have?  Jesus wanted you to be a tight end or fullback, but woe you rebuked him.

Timmy, Timmy, Timmy… bro, it’s time to hang it up. Listen to Sam for once in your life.

NFLthisWeekOver

 DALLAS COWBOYS

The Dallas Cowboys have installed ballet bars outside their locker room.   First off let me just say that I realize that these bars will probably be great for stretching and decrease injury… I just don’t care.

Cowboys are in a state that cheers on people who carry AR-15s into Chipotle, a State thats execution budget is bigger than its education budget.

 A state with Hank Hill, Chuck Norris, a state whose motto is “don’t *&^$#@ mess with us.” In this manly wish it was the 1800′s state you’re going to put up ballet bars?  How is there even a ballet in Texas?  I imagine the Texas ballet is just a monster truck jam set to Tchaikovsky.  

I can’t wait to see Tony Romo getting limbered up on the ballet bars, wearing leg warmers, thinking of how he’s going to blow this game.

I will pay seriously good money to the first person to get me a picture of Tony Romo on the ballet bars.  That picture is going to be what brings down the internet.

NFLreward

JUSTIN BLACKMON

The Jaguars took Justin Blackmon’s name plate off his locker this week.  It sure looks like the Jags have given up on the troubled wide receiver.

I understand that addiction is a serious disease and I’m extremely sympathetic to most people in Justin Blackmon’s situation.   Justin Blackmon just isn’t most people though.  This is a guy with millions of dollars, an NFL franchise, and everyone in the damn world trying to help him.  This isn’t some lonely person with nowhere to turn.   How do you just blow off a future and millions to get wasted over and over? I mean I know how you do it, but how do you not take advantage of the huge support system around you?

Justin Blackmon is a troubled guy with a terrible disease, but he’s also either a dumbass or a jackass.

idiotNFL

DAN MARINO’S BRAIN

Dan Marino has joined a lawsuit against the NFL claiming that the league withheld information about how dangerous concussions were.  I gotta say I don’t think anyone knew how dangerous concussions were when Dan Marino joined the league in the early 1980s.  I mean the 80′s were stupid, we also though parachute pants, Boy George, and Tom Hanks in drag were good.

NFLBosoum
By the time the NFL could have known that concussions were serious Dan Marino wasn’t getting hit anymore.  Dan Marino was the 1990′s version of Tom Brady, give him a dirty look and it’s a 15 yard penalty.

Maybe Dan Marino wants amnesia so he can forget his last game where the Jaguars murdered him. Or maybe Dan Marino just needs more baby moma money now that his broadcasting career is over?  We may never know since the concussions have probably already made him forget.

MarinoNFL

Be sure to check out our Baby Draft:

BABY DRAFT

Tags: Dallas Cowboys Dan Marino Jacksonville Jaguars Justin Blackmon Miami Dolphins New York Jets NFL Tim Tebow Tony Romo

comments powered by Disqus