A Star Wars College Football Top 25

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College Football Caveman
 
Our first college football top 25 of the year. You’ll get one of these every week and the rankings will change, even in the preseason. Why? Because I know I will change my mind and I’m not set in stone on any of this because COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS CRAZY.
 
DISCLAIMER: This is all speculation and fun, the chances of any of this, or any preseason polls, being valid by week three are slim to none.
 
DOUBLE DISCLAIMER: My not ranking your team or ranking them lower than you think is not a personal attack on you and your family, chill bro.
 
This week I decided to use Star Wars characters to help illustrate the top 25.  Why? Because Star Wars is awesome dude.
 
25. Clemson – Clemson’s schedule is a tough run this year.  They start off the year against another top 25 team Georgia and then three weeks later have to take on number one Florida State.  If Clemson makes it through the first few games with only one loss they will be fortunate.  The grind of a schedule only continues with Louisville, North Carolina, and eventually South Carolina.  Tajh Boyd and Sammy Watkins are gone, can Clemson find a way to keep their offense on track? If Clemson wins half of these early games they will hang in the top 25, if they lose them all they will drop out, if they somehow won them all they will rocket up the polls. Nothing ventured, nothing gained Tigers.
 
Clemson is Greedo; sure he’s a bounty hunter with a blaster, but Han Solo has his number.
 

ClemsonGreedo

 
24. Ole Miss – Doctor Bo knows just how to fix that cold… AMPUTATE HIS LEG! Ole Miss has a schedule that sets up really nicely for them.  They get Alabama at home and will have a lot of returning players.  They are still Ole Miss.  The SEC will be down this year and Ole Miss should beat Vandy, they will sneak into the top 25.  Losses to Alabama, Auburn, LSU, and [GASP] Mississippi State will keep them in check though. If you want to “feed Moncrief” you’re going to need to go to Indianapolis. All this being said Hugh Freeze has the Rebels headed in a positive direction.
 
Ole Miss is the little kid Anakin Skywalker; he may turn into something cool eventually, but he’s just annoying right now. (YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING ADMIRAL AKBAR DIDN’T YOU?)
 
AnakinOleMiss

 
23. UCF – UCF starts the year with Penn State and Missouri, who aren’t football giants right now by any means, but are the best two teams on their schedule.  Blake Bortles is off to save the Jaguars so there may be questions at QB.  Winning one of these two early games and beating up on the rest of their schedule will keep them in the top 25.
 
UCF is admiral Ozzel; they are the most powerful guy in their fleet, but if they come out of hyperspace too soon they are going to regret it.
 
OzzelUCF

 
22. Nebraska – Bo Pelini is certainly on the hot seat this year and needs a successful season. It’s probably out of the realm of possibility for Nebraska to be a top 10 team, but they could easily be a top 25 team. Nebraska’s schedule is less than impressive with the big games being a good Michigan State team and a mediocre even for the ACC Miami. Nebraska’s biggest asset is returning running back Ameer Abdullah.
 
Nebraska is a storm trooper; they will fire away this year, but never hit anything important.
 
stormtrooperNebraska

 
21. North Carolina – North Carolina should be vastly improved with a lot of guys coming back. Will they win the ACC and beat Florida State? No. Can they give Clemson and the rest of the ACC a run for their money? You bet. Maybe this will be the year that Larry Fedora finds his groove at Chapel Hill?
 
North Carolina is Biggs Darklighter, he’s no Luke Skywalker but he’s a decent star pilot.
 
BiggsNorthCarolina

 
20. Notre Dame – Notre Dame has hired Brian VanGorder as their new defensive coordinator.  You might remember VanGorder as the guy who was Auburn’s defensive coordinator the year Alabama beat them 49-0.  Notre Dame’s schedule is vastly improved this year by them basically being a super secret member of the ACC.  I’m still baffled on how Jim Delany screwed this thing up and ended up with Rutgers instead of the Irish.  Notre Dame will face some challenges, but with Everett Golson back they should have a decent year.
 
Notre Dame is Grand Moff Tarkin: stern, autocratic, wildly overconfident.
 
GrandMoffTarkinNotreDame

 
19. Kansas State – Kansas State has a weak defense and a possible future star at QB in Jake Waters. So basically what I’m saying is that Kansas State is a Big 12 team. Kansas State has the potential to be this years version of last years Baylor… or last years Texas.
 
Kansas State is the Death Star, good offense and poor defenses.
 
DeathStarKansasState

 
18. Georgia – I’m ranking Georgia much lower than most people will, I know that.  There’s a reason for this though, and that reasons name is Mark Richt.  At the start of every year we hear how Mark Richt has a loaded team and this is the year, then by half way through the season it’s “well, next year is really the year for Richt and UGA.” This year Tood Gurley returns, but Aaron Murray is gone.  So am I ready to bet on Mark Richt was a rookie QB when he couldn’t make things happen with Aaron Murray? No.  No one does less with more than Mark Richt.
 
Georgia is the Tusken Raiders; they make a lot of noise, but can be scared off by an old man in a robe.
 
TuskenRaiderUGA

 
17. Wisconsin – Wisconsin head coach Gary Anderson had a good year last year and gets Melvin Gordon back.  Wisky plays LSU right off the bat and a win or close game versus a big dog of the SEC would set a great tone.  After LSU Whisky’s only other remotely  tough game will be Nebraska.  If they beat LSU and Nebraska they could easily run the table and shoot up the polls.  I think they probably lose to LSU and win the rest of their games.
 
Wisconsin is C3PO, because even if they don’t do it on purpose they could bumble into something special.
 
C3POWisconsin

 
16. LSU – LSU is going to have a QB that they recruited this year.  This won’t be someone released from another team or out of Juco.  Whoever gets the job it will be a kid LSU went out and offered a scholarship to.  LSU won’t have a pocket passer this year, both Brandon Harris and Anthony Jennings are mobile guys.  How much will a mobile QB change LSU?  That’s yet to be seen.  The SEC is going to have a bit of a down year, and LSU has a lot of guys to replace. Rookie quarterbacks and rookie wide receivers all around.  The schedule is no picnic either with Alabama, Auburn, Wisconsin, Ole Miss, and Mississippi State all in my top 25.
 
LSU is the angry teenage angst Anikan Skywalker.  He has power, but he’s young and makes mistakes.  Plus he whines a lot, like LSU does about playing Florida.
 
AnakinLSU

 

These aren’t the droids you’re looking for, you want to check out 15-6 on the next page…

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  • http://Lightlybuzzed.com Razor

    This is amazing. You are giving Auburn WAAAAAay too much credit, however.

  • NCSooner

    I love it! Now you just need to make your predictions for the playoffs. FSU v MSU and OU v Auburn. I see FSU v OU with OU continuing their dominance over FSU and winning it all. But I’m biased. BOOMER SOONER!