The Arkansas Razorbacks haven’t had it easy, as of late, and I ought to know, I R ONE. When Bobby Petrino was forced out of Fayetteville because he’s a…well, let’s just say this, he’s not a good guy, the wheels began to fall off, in spectacular fashion. Not many fans care to remember that first year, sans Petrino, and I just plain can’t remember it, probably due to the sheer amount of alcohol I consumed to help with the pain of John L Smith and SMILE!
Enter Bret Bielema, or as I affectionately call him, BERT. No, I don’t care that Ohio State fans made up that name just to ridicule him, the name is fun. Last year was another glorious romp in futility, as my Razorbacks went winless in the SEC for the first time ever…ever, did I mention ever?
Last year, Arkansas was the laughing stock of the SEC, and if not for the complete incompetence of Florida’s injury filled, block your own teammate season, my Hogs would have been the sole poster team for how NOT to do it right in the SEC.
As bad as they were, the Arkansas Razorbacks still had some teams on the ropes, before ultimately falling short. One game in particular seemed to resonate with Razorback fans, and no, I’m not talking about LSU barely beating us in the final seconds. I’m talking about the overtime game against Mississippi State.
One saying I have always known, growing up an Arkansan, is “Thank God for Mississippi”. That saying usually translates to sports as well, as the Razorbacks more times that not, beat both the Bulldogs and Rebelblackbears, on a relatively consistent basis. (The past 2 years not withstanding)
So maybe that’s why a fan, or if you believe the stories, an angry ex-girlfriend, coated Arkansas’ starting Quarterback, Brandon Allen’s truck in eggs, after the overtime loss to Mississippi State last year.
I mean, after that game, I was a bit frustrated too, but come on…egging a dudes truck?
Now, it’s 2014 and the college football season hasn’t even started yet, but that doesn’t matter, because someone (We are hoping for another disgruntled ex-girlfriend), decided to up their egging game, and just go for the complete torching of Allen’s truck.
Last night, while Brandon Allen slept, dreaming of tossing 4 touchdowns and running for 1 against Auburn this weekend. Someone decided to burn his truck to the ground, giving a whole new meaning to “LOL UR TEAM IS A TIRE FIRE”.
Of course, when news like this hits, Twitter explodes with rumors, and conspiracy theories, and luckily I’ve collected just a few of the best. Check em out!
This one just sets up the rest of the insanity, and I’ve included it, so that you can see what actually happened.
— Dr. Saturday (@YahooDrSaturday) August 25, 2014
Yes Tennessee bro, because escalating to boats is the responsible thing.
— The S.o.B (@Sun_Of_A_Butch) August 25, 2014
Really Notre Dame guy? I know you’re still butt-hurt from getting trounced 2 years ago…but geez, let it go already.
This is the best of both worlds tweet. It has the words “Real Fan” and it involves tweeting a player. Which, as we all know, is completely healthy and not in any way creepy.
Stay classy Auburn fans…
REAL TALK, YO!
Apparently Brandon Allen’s truck is the only thing worth talking about today. — Stacy Ryburn (@Stacy_TimesRec) August 25, 2014
Stop it. Stop it right f*#@ing now. STAHP!
Finally, the realest tweet you will ever see, regarding Brandon Allen and Bama fans.
bama fans would have set brandon allen’s whole house on fire
— Clay Chandler (@claychand) August 25, 201
Tell us what you think about these completely necessary and realistic responses to Brandon Allen’s truck catching fire. And, while you’re here check out the CFB Detective Kickstarter. IT’S THE GREATEST ANIMATED COLLEGE FOOTBALL DETECTIVE SHOW OF ALL TIME. We feel comfortable making that claim.