Each week throughout the college football season we will give you our top 10 college football coaches hot seat rankings. To illustrate our rankings we like to tie them into something relatable… this week it’s the Top 10 worst songs of all time.
10. Charlie Weis – Kansas
Eiffel 65’s infectious and terrible “Blue” represents Kansas head coach Charlie Weis. “Blue” is a song about a little man living in a very blue world. No one has ever called Charlie little, but it must be very blue being the head coach of the Big 12’s Kentucky. Nothing seems to go Charlie’s way, that Lucy keeps pulling the ball away at the last moment.
Sure Charlie probably needs to be fired, he has a 4-20 record. Then again if you’re Kansas do really expect better than 4-20 from your coach?
9. Bret Bielema – Arkasnas
If you’re a sane Arkansas fan you probably want Bielema out. The issue is finding the sane Arkansas fan. This is a fanbase who thought Jon Gruden was sending them secret messages with his ties.
Bielema has gone 3-9 at Arkansas and has a difficult schedule ahead of him this year. On the other hand he married the hot blond instead of putting her on his motorcycle and payroll.
Bielema is Rednex’s “Cotton Eye Joe” because Arkansas.
8. Brady Hoke – Michigan
Brady Hoke has a winning record of 26-13 at Michigan and a salary of only 2 million dollars. Brady Hoke is getting paid at Michigan what Charlie Weis is getting paid at Kansas. The difference of course is that this is Michigan.
Michigan has won only 1 out of the last 6 against Michigan State and only 1 out of the last 10 against Ohio State. You can’t be coach at Michigan and lose to the Spartans and Buckeyes regularly. Last year Hoke went 7-6 and lost in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl. Michigan wants to play in bowls named after flowers not chicken wings.
A good argument can be made that most of Michigan’s fatal problems don’t lie with the decisions of the coach, but he’s the one who will take the heat. Michigan man or not, if Hoke doesn’t succeed this year it’s going to get warm.
Hoke is the Baha Men classic “Who let the Dogs Out?” because he seems like the kind of guy who would have that jam as his ringtone.
7. Bo Pelini – Nebraksa
Nebraska is going to need more from you than the meh you’ve produced the last few years. You’re in the Big 10 Bo, THE EASY DIVISION OF THE BIG 10. It’s not like you’re being asked to play tough teams like Wake Forest over here. You’ve got a chance to shine and get off this list this year. Go bigger than the Gator Bowl, shoot for the stars, like the Music City Bowl!
Bo Pelini is Rebecca Black’s “Friday” because both Bo and Rebecca are internet favorites.
6. Paul Petrino – Idaho
Never ever go with the brother. Just because he has the same last name as the famous coach doesn’t mean you’re getting the same thing. You wanted Alec Baldwin and you got Stephen.
Paul Petrino is Will Smith’s epic rap “Wild Wild West” you know, because Idaho is in the West.
5. Todd Monken – Southern Miss
Southern Miss isn’t a job where you need to compete for championships. Beating just a few of the teams in Conference USA would be nice though. If Todd hadn’t run into good ole UAB last year he would have laid a goose egg.
Todd gets the internet flash in the pan Gangnam Style because he may be gone before you know it.
4. Tim Beckman – Illinois
There are a lot of Big 10 coaches on this list… it must be the cold. Tim Beckman has an impressive 6-18 record at Illinois, raise your hand if you miss Ron Zook.
Tim gets the mind numbing “It’s A Small World After All” because it’s truly a small world of Big 10 football.
3. Sonny Dykes – Cal
Our first PAC coach, the PAC is the opposite of the Big 10. Sonny Dykes is competing in a tough conference against some big time in state competitors. If you have a talent pool the size of California though you are expected to do better than 1-11.
Sonny Dykes gets former Laker and therefore one time California resident Shaquille O’Neal’s “I’m Outstanding.” You sure are Shaquille, you sure are.
2. Dan Holgorsen – West Virginia
Holgorsen has struggled at West Virginia and is barley keeping his record above water at 21-17. The people in West Virginia love football and like to win, they created the Rich Rod and Nick Saban is a son of that state. Lukily for Hologrsen his next game is against… mother of God… Alabama.
Holgorsen gets the West Virginia state song “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus.
1. Will Muschamp – Florida
Florida thought they were getting a great coach, instead they got Will Muschamp. Will Muschamp officially has a worse record than Ron Zook at this point. There’s only one thing to do about the haters Will, shake them off.
Which college football coaches do you think are on the hot seat? Let us know in the comments below.
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