An epic fail for Kim Kardashian at the Prince concert in Madison Square Garden Monday night. Prince pulls Kim on-stage during the Mingling With the Unwashed Masses part of the program, but instead of dancing like the other shrieking rubes, Kim just stands there frozen and helpless like Kourtney trying to pick out an ice cream flavor. Dance Kim! You’re on-stage with Prince! This is your chance to prove you’re more than just a human urinal! Bah…no dancing? Be gone from the presence of the Purple One you large-assed grand-daughter of a pack-mule.

The identity of the kid who played Darth Vader in that absurdly adorable Super Bowl ad was not kept a secret for very long. This morning on the Today Show the little actor revealed his face and…surprise, it wasn’t Justin Bieber! It was…some little obnoxious-looking blond kid. I smell Home Alone remake.

This weekend Justin Bieber made the official jump from pop culture phenomenon to sickeningly over-exposed pop culture phenomenon. Pretty much wherever you went on the internet or TV the last couple days, there was Bieber, doing his Bieber things. On Saturday Night Live he clowned with the Church Lady. During the Super Bowl he clowned with Ozzy Osbourne. In the real world he walked around holding hands with his girlfriend Selena Gomez (who he absolutely is not having sex with because that would be, you know, illegal). And I’m pretty sure if you look really closely at the footage from Egypt you can see him throwing Molotov cocktails at Anderson Cooper. Kid gets around.

photo credit: Pacific Coast News

Drink Brisk or Eminem will shoot you in the face.

That steroid controversy was nothing Alex Rodriguez. Just wait till this video of Cameron Diaz feeding you popcorn goes viral. Then you’ll know what hatred is.

Throwing things at people’s faces is funny. Evidently.

A guy loves Doritos so much he is willing to suck the nacho cheese dust from a man’s finger and snort it off the ass of another man’s pants. This makes me want to move to Venus.

Dallas should never host the Super Bowl again and Christina Aguilera should never sing the National Anthem. Can we at least all agree on these two things? Finally, some common ground in this politically-divided country.

Watch Minka Kelly discuss being named the sexiest woman in the world by Esquire. Marvel at her ability to remain hypnotically lovely while struggling to form simple sentences.

Justin Bieber‘s everywhere. He’s inescapable. Like bed bugs. Eh, this is kind of funny actually. Sell it Bieber.