Justin Bieber on Letterman last night…so adorable. Too bad about his speech impediment though. Maybe Geoffrey Rush could help him like he helped that nice Nazi-appeasing king.

David Letterman decided to have a little fun with Cher by reading off the names of famous men and having her acknowledge whether she’d ever gone to bed with them.  Cher, being a true sport, obliged.  David, having a strong stomach, managed not to barf at Cher’s ever-more-freakish face.

Cave-in survivor.  Marathon runner.  Elvis impersonator.  Edison Pena, you are unstoppable.  If you want to illegally immigrate to America, go right ahead.  If Lou Dobbs tries anything I’ll kick him in the nuts for you.

It didn’t take much urging for Tina Fey to whip out her Sarah Palin impression on David Letterman‘s program last night.  That impression is to Tina what your crazy uncle’s dong is to your crazy uncle.  “Who wants to see my dong huh?  Huh?”  Yawn.

David Letterman asked former drug-addled maniac Robert Downey, Jr. if he has any advice for current drug-addled maniac Charlie Sheen.  All Downey could offer was, “Don’t get arrested.”  Another good tip would be, “Don’t choke your wife,” or possibly, “Don’t do tons of coke with a porn actress, tear your clothes off and trash your hotel room.”

Contrary to reports, David Letterman says he was not in on the bit a year-and-a-half ago when Joaquin Phoenix, in his Meltdown Joaquin guise, made a mockery of him and his late night program.  Eh…who cares anymore.  The whole thing ran out of steam ages ago.  Letterman should bring back Charles Grodin.  Is Charles Grodin alive?

Courtney Love is too old and medicated to any longer fulfill her role as Queen of Off-the-Hook Rock Chicks, but that’s okay, because we now have Taylor Momsen.

Taylor has a lot going for her in her quest to claim Courtney’s crazy-throne:  She’s young.  She’s always in a foul mood.  She’s cute if you like goth chicks who dress like transsexuals.  She’s willing to say incredibly stupid stuff in interviews.  And, according to her bandmate, she is a pyromaniac.

“Taylor loves setting things on fire,” said Ben Phillips, the guitarist for Taylor’s band Pretty Reckless.  Then Ben told a story that you probably shouldn’t read if you’re eating:

In the studio, there was this pit where the owner would burn stuff. We’d burn old keyboards, computers, stuff them full of TNT and set them on fire. Taylor loves fire.

I shouldn’t say this. One morning, Taylor got into the studio really early – she’d just had her dog neutered and brought in the bits. Which she then burned. We were grossed out.

This is a great start for Taylor on her road to making everyone forget about Wendy O. Williams.  But, she’s still got a long way to go.  My advice to her?  More power tools in her stage act.  Also, she might want to think about getting really wasted and going on a talk show.  Would she consider climbing onto David Letterman‘s desk and dropping a big steaming shit in his lap?  That would really shock middle America.  Then, she could hijack her own tour bus and crash it into a telephone pole.  Extra points for losing a hand and replacing it with a steel claw.  It goes without saying that, at some point, she will have to date a disgusting wash-out Pete Doherty type who then dies under mysterious circumstances, making everyone think she did it.

After that, the sky’s the limit.  Assuming she doesn’t get poisoned by her eye make-up and die.

Bill Murray will go almost anywhere for a bit.

Despite being almost 60, the funnyman will even go face-first into a large trash receptacle full of water…just to lampoon New York mayor Michael Bloomberg and his “dumpster pools.”

I bet Dan Aykroyd wouldn’t do that.  The pansy.

photo credit: Splash

Kristen Stewart has changed her hair – maybe hoping that all the slobbering Twilight fans will fail to recognize her and therefore leave her alone.

Fat chance.

photo credit: Splash

After showing off her new look outside the studio, K-Stew went inside for an appearance on David Letterman.  The conversation turned to Stewart’s pet wolf-dog hybrid.  Then things got…uncomfortable.

John Goodman says he was once pushing 400 pounds.  Then his family got sick of him busting the furniture and he decided to lose some weight.

Now he’s thin…ner. And what’s Becky been up to lately?