Gloria Stuart, the actress who played Old Rose in the absurd Titanic, has died at the age of 100.  Her cause of death:  being 100.

Stuart originally rose to fame during the 1930s when she appeared in a number of classic films, including the James Whale horror flicks The Old Dark House and The Invisible Man.  Her career fizzled in the 40s and she disappeared entirely from show-biz until the ’70s when she began getting TV work.  She completed an unlikely comeback when James Cameron cast her as Kate Winslet‘s older self in his blockbuster about a ship, an iceberg and some annoying kids running around.  For that role she received her first and only Oscar nomination.

Stuart was diagnosed with lung cancer several years ago.  And she was kind of hot back during the Depression.

Oprah Winfrey spent one terrifying year at #2 on the Forbes Magazine list of the 100 most powerful celebrities on planet earth.

But this year, Oprah is once again back on top.  And that bitch Angelina Jolie, who bumped her from the top of the heap in 2009?

She’s all the way down at #18.

Take that you scrawny Mother Teresa wannabe!

And make way for the sisters.  Not only is Oprah #1, but Beyonce is #2.  And Tyler Perry, whose fame is based largely on his ability to pass himself off as a sister, is #25.

Then there’s Lady Gaga, who rides a wave of controversy and crappy music all the way to the #4 slot, just behind James Cameron.

Tiger Woods and his mistress dramas come in at #5.  Britney Spears, for some reason, ranks sixth.  Then come washed-up rockers U2 at #7, America’s favorite wronged woman Sandra Bullock at #8, Johnny Depp at #9 and Madonna at #10.

No, I didn’t forget Miley Cyrus.  She actually didn’t crack the Top 10, but placed thirteenth.  One slot ahead of wholesome rival Taylor Swift.

The entire Celebrity 100 list is available at Forbes.com.  And don’t bother looking for Snooki.  She isn’t on there.

Shocking, I know.

Most people considered Kathryn Bigelow‘s Oscar win for Best Director a great breakthrough for women in Hollywood and an all-around awesome moment…and then there’s Sigourney Weaver who thinks the Academy shafted James Cameron just so a woman could finally win.  “Jim didn’t have breasts, and I think that was the reason [he lost]” the actress said during an appearance in Brazil. “He should have taken home that Oscar.”

Furthermore, says Weaver, the Academy only spurned Avatar as Best Picture in favor of The Hurt Locker because of a trend away from lauding epic productions, and giving those awards to smaller films “nobody saw.”  I’m not exactly sure why Weaver should be so bitter – hasn’t Avatar made over $2 billion worldwide? – but I’m guessing it has something to do with being an old lady.  People become crabby as they get older.  Maybe Sigourney should stop being a grouchy old hater for a second and realize the great symbolic meaning of Bigelow’s victory – not to mention the fact that The Hurt Locker kicks Avatar‘s ass.  I mean, maybe there would be some legitimacy in what Weaver says, if The Hurt Locker were some Crash-like piece of crap that obviously only won because the Academy wanted to make a point.  But that tick don’t grab Sigourney, cause The Hurt Locker deserved the awards outside of the larger meaning – deserved them more than Avatar which is pretty and big but kinda stupid. 

And BTW, why are you bringing this up now?  My mind is picturing water going under a bridge.

Yesterday I gave you the skinny on Master Sgt. Jeffrey Sarver’s lawsuit against the makers of The Hurt Locker, in which he claims his exploits were the unacknowledged inspiration for Jeremy Renner‘s character.  Well, guess what – it’s Friday and there’s news of another lawsuit against a Best Picture nominee.  This time it’s Avatar‘s turn.  Yes, that’s how competitive these two movies are – they even go tit-for-tat in lawsuits.  I bet Kathryn Bigelow and James Cameron had some epic beer-pong matches back in the day.  But enough about that…back to the Avatar lawsuit.  In this suit, a Chinese sci-fi author named Zhou Shaomou claims that the novel he published in 1997, Tale of the Blue Crows, was blatantly ripped off by James Cameron when he concocted his own 3D opus.  In Zhou’s mind, “blatantly ripped off” means his story and Cameron’s are both about distant planets, both about blue people and – most damningly – both describe humanity’s journey to the fictional blue people planet as taking right around six years.  Okay, in Zhou’s book it takes six years, but in Avatar it takes five years, nine months and twenty-two days – but that’s close enough for a lawsuit, at least according to Zhou.  And now he wants $162 million.  Which is about what Avatar grossed every five minutes during the peak of its run.  I for one support Zhou in his efforts – he’s an inspiration to everyone who wants to get rich by saying he had an idea first and it’s not his fault no one noticed.

Many wondered what the deal was when Sacha Baron Cohen was unceremoniously dumped from the list of Oscar presenters.  The assumption was that the Oscars were just being PC namby-pambies, bumping Cohen out of fear of what he might say or do – but now it’s been revealed that Oscar producers knew exactly what Cohen meant to say and do during his presentation skit, and their fear over the potential consequences of this outrageous bit caused them to pull the plug.  To put it bluntly:  the Oscars said no thanks to Sacha Baron Cohen because they were worried his routine would offend James Cameron, who will be on-hand to receive a sickeningly huge helping of Avatar accolades.  According to New York Magazine’s Vulture blog, Cohen’s intended skit, a teaming with Ben Stiller, would’ve featured Cohen in full Na’vi make-up and regalia and Stiller as his translator, and was going to climax with Cohen revealing he was “pregnant” and confronting Cameron as the father.  This may very well have been hilarious – it certainly sounds better than most of the crap the Oscars spoon-feed us every year – but we’ll never know now, because big-shots familiar with James Cameron’s legendary lack of a sense of humor about himself or anything else on earth decided they would rather have Cameron remain in his seat, un-pissed, than allow Cohen to entertain the audience with his crazy bit.  Upon news of the skit’s nixing, Cohen told Oscar producers he would prefer to stay home than fly all the way to Hollywood to deliver some watered-down awards show nonsense, hence his striking from the presenters’ list.  The only humiliation Cameron may have to face now is watching his ex beat him for best director, something everyone in the world hopes will happen.

It never occurred to me that this was an issue, but apparently, some people are annoyed that the Na’vi have boobs, because technically the Na’vi aren’t mammals and therefore shouldn’t possess mammaries.  This whole quasi-controversy falls roughly under the heading of Stuff Know-it-All Geeks Whine About on IMDb Because What Else Are They Going to Fill Their Empty Hours With?, but nevertheless, James Cameron felt compelled to address it.  Speaking to James Lipton and his audience of film school students on a soon-to-be-aired Inside the Actors Studio, Cameron said the following about Na’vi boobage and why it exists:

Because this is a movie for human people.

That’s a much better answer than the one I might’ve expected.  You know, something along the lines of, “Well, you see, the Na’vi are actually descended from blahblahblah so the breasts are really vestigial blahblahblah and they still serve a decorative blahblahblah function…”  Thank you James Cameron for not insulting us by making up some crap just to placate the five nitwits who think this matters.  “People like boobs so we gave the Na’vi boobs” is more than sufficient.

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